candy muffins; -

Peaches - New Heights

You know how irony always occur in our lives?
Like how young kids will hope their growth process will speed up so that they can be adults sooner? Like how when you are in your first few years of elementary school, you hope to be 12 and then get on with high school? Like how when you are 12 you hope time pass faster so that you can be 18 in no time?
In a complete opposite perception, it is ironic how when you turn 18, you wish you never turned 18. You wish to turn back time so that you can go back to your joyous childhood days. Like as you grow older, you tend to reminisce more. Like when you are finally in your 70s, you always look back into your past and say 'those were the days'.
I guess even though I go through slight bits and pieces of these kinds of dilemmas, I am proud to say that I was a true kid. I remember not always thinking about how if I were 18, how if I were a grown up instead of a young kid then. I just love how my childhood days passed by with such ease and carefree. Yet, now, I wish I never grew up. Though I know, just as everyone else, growing is inevitable, something we cannot put a stop to, unfortunately. As I am writing, Jeremy tweeted, 'dont wanna move on. sometimes i wanna stay at a certain point, and enjoy the breeze.' Really. There's no doubt to that statement, that hope, that wish, that crave.
I can't seem to drown myself into the cruel fact, that I am already 18, I should act, think, plan like an adult right now. I don't want to grow up. I want to stay young forever like song by Jay-Z.
Just moments ago, when I was in the shower, I realized I was playing with bubbles, just like how I usually do back then. But when the bubbles burst and disappear in mid-air, I was snapped back into the present along with the burst bubble. Oh how disappointed I was then.
Selfishly, I want time to freeze at present. I want my childhood back.  :'(

You know how dilemmas always occur in our lives?
Like how when you need to make decision between two things you want so badly? Like how you need to select from a wide variety of collection? Like how you are forced to make a choice when you personally dread to and wish you never had to?
I never had such bad dilemma in choosing my subject since my first semester in college. Really. Yet this time round, I almost driven myself nuts making choices between subjects. The feeling? Not good at all. I certainly had a damn hard time deciding what combination of subjects that I need to take. I think so far, I have already switched my subjects for at least 5 times. Really crazy stuff. While others seemed to be fine with their subjects selection, I drowned in the process. Swallowed liters of water, bloated lungs, passed.

It feels different. Somehow.

Love, PeiNing.


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