words of art-

You Make Me Feel - Cobra Starship ft Sabi

"Love is the opposite of fear."
"The universe is our reflection."
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
"What God created, we fully destroyed it."
"It's time to wake up from hibernation."
"It's snowing in the desert, something is wrong."
"Profits was made from disaster."
"What would you do if you were you?"
"Who has the power? The money, people or the law?"
"We are in the midst of disaster."
"We did not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrowed it from our children."
"Reality is made out of 6 billion thoughts."
"Everything is nothing."
"We can be what we give ourselves the power to be."
"I doubt, i think, therefore i am."
"Wonder rather than doubt is the root of all wisdom."
"It is racist to erase racism."

food for thoughts. Sleep for now.

PeiNing *:)


Together - Ruben Studdard

this is a perfect song. perfect vocal. perfect song to drive the turbine of emotions. i get chills listening to this song every time without fail. i still wonder why doesn't he get famous after American Idol though

today, i realized, life can be so fragile. so vulnerable.
just two weeks back, my Critical Reading lecturer, Bryan, introduced me to this remarkable person, Wangari Maathai. at first, i was completely baffled by this new topic and this new person. she was introduced to me with such great impact that i was immediately impressed become envious of her achievements. she was the first African woman to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for her contribution in sustainable development, democracy and peace. she was well known for her Green Belt Movement that aims to create a better environment for our future generation.
today, i was devastated. i was flabbergasted to the news of her death. i felt that i have not enough time, to embrace her presence on this earth, to accept the fact that i am sharing this planet with such a great person who came out with so many great master ideas, so powerful, rhetorical and influential in her personality. just as she came into this earth silently, she left quietly, bringing with her nothing else, instead leaving back with us a great legacy.
September 25th, 2011 is when the world will mourn for the departure of another great soul, someone who made changes to the world.

"We did not inherit the Earth from our ancestors, instead, we borrowed from our children."

Something to think about.
An event that i attended, the Peace and Justice Conference lead by the Poetree. It was really inspiring and touching. The two women from Brooklyn, how they showed and taught me things that i never was aware of, things that i took for granted, things that i neglected. they reached out and touched my heart through the words from the poems they recited. the words, so powerful and strong that made me cry.
Vy, the vietnamese girl who was sitting beside me, criticized me for crying at their poem. "such a cry baby." she said. at the back of my head, i was thinking "Just because you don't understand or appreciate the poems, doesn't mean that i should not as well." I really thought she was shallow that time. yet, i took pity on her for missing out on such a great thing. it meant so much to me and i believe, their words touched many others in the events they had before and will have in the near future, and many other people around the world they travelled to. it was really overwhelming. the pieces of scraps containing messages by people all around the world that they sewed together to form long strips of cloth. the messages, so powerful with different messages of people of different skin color, different backgrounds, no stereotyping, no discrimination, just plain unity, humanity, all aiming for the common goal. people are brought together just by the strong faith and believe in something. it was incredible.

Of course, i wrote a message as well, hoping to inspire another soul or many others with my words.
from the bottom of my heart;

signing out, proceeding with the work i have in hand,


Untouchable - Taylor Swift

I just had the most emotional hair clip search. And I admit- I am a very emotional person.
I came back from dinner, took out my laundry and somehow, i remembered that i had to look for my Plattsburgh special edition badge because i haven't seen it in a while. Then i began searching for my beloved white hair clip that i was using this morning because i simply want to use it.
i searched around my study desk, in the drawers and i couldn't find it anywhere. That was when i began to panic. I checked the trash can right beside my table but it wasn't there. Roommie told me she took the trash out this afternoon. I went out searching for it. Yes that was right. Rummaging through the rubbish in the hallway looking for my hair clip. I looked like a fool. Someone threw ice cream over my trash and it was so disgusting. There was some food crumbs, banana skin, loads of tissue, dust and hair. I looked through all of them. Still, I couldn't find it :(
I went back to my room to continue my search, but no matter how much and detailed i looked, it was all in vain. I broke down and cried. Even though it did not cost me a bomb getting that hair clip, that white thing was my favorite clip of all! I cried. I was sad. Someone walked away because i was acting all silly. Well, I treasure my things. That was why i care so much. That was why i cried :'(
I wrote "mourn for my white hair clip" on the board hanging on my door. I was sincerely sad.
Just when i was about to give up and "die", a short and sharp thought pierced through my sorrow like an arrow shot by an archer, i literally attacked my pyjamas which was folded neatly, lying on top my cupboard. I dug through the pocket and there it was!! I was overwhelmed with the joy of recovering my white hair clip. So overwhelmed that i cried. Much more than when i thought i lost it.

I guess right now, Tian and Myung Joo officially think that i am such a small kid, crying over my lost stuff, crying much more when i found it back. That's who i am. I still remember all the important things i have lost that i never recovered. Those that i still feel guilty and mourn about.

Anyways, drama all out.
Its over.
I found my white hair clip.
The End


PAGE Zumbathon

Get Back (ASAP) - Alexandra Stan

Obviously, this was an on campus event. It happened yesterday night at 7pm at the ACC Ballroom. It was definitely a blast.
We had to purchase our rubber bracelet as our entrance fee from the sponsor group Alpha Sigma Phi at a minimum donation of $3 for keepsake and I have gotten me 4 beautiful glow sticks for $1 as well. It was a black light party Zumba style and the whole hall was like a club with loads of booty shaking, catchy music rhythm, zumba professionals leading on the stage, disco lights, cool DJ at the front. It was all good and fun. I had a damn good time, with the lights dimmed down, everyone just shaking their booties along with the rhythm, suddenly i wasn't quite self-conscious at all!!
This was a charity event of course. That was why I was willing to pay $3 for a rubber bracelet and everything else just to have fun and for the sake, in the name of charity. All the profits will benefit P.A.G.E. (Program for African Growth through Education), a non-profit group based in Plattsburgh. These funds will directly aid in the construction of schools and the purchase of school supplies in Burkina Faso, Africa.
I thought, why not spend a little money, a little time and have a whole loads of fun, meet awesome people, exercise for fitness, try out new thing, zumba, something i have not come across before yesterday. I was actually rather excited for this event! Despite having no one to accompany me to that event, i did not hesitate about attending it at all! I just went for it, alone. It is not what i usually do because i dislike being all alone and pathetic but it was a great experience. Little did i expect to see Sandu there. I wasn't close to her before, but we sort of got closer to each other just by attending that event. It was great!
Coming to the near end of the event, we had this Bollywood feel to the whole event where we did dance battle in groups and take it the zumba style. It was awesome. The whole time i was checking the watch for the time as i still had Stats homework due the next morning, but the urge to stay till the end was way stronger than going back to the dorm, all sad and unhealthy and pathetic to do my work. I would rather stay till the end, satisfied, confident and proud of myself for giving back to the community and dance like never before in public. That feeling was awesome. Well, the cliche saying would be 'work hard, play harder' and also another saying would be people who play hard are the most productive people around. Well, I couldn't agree with that more this time because I felt all hyped up for my work but crashed almost immediately after i finished it. It was as if i took an energy drink or something like the moment the energy drink stops putting effect, you just crashed like crazy immediately. I KO-ed, just relying on my own will power and the exercise i had in zumbathon. I have never felt anything better than I did after the event that night. I really loved it!
So, as i said, everything was conducted in the dark with glow sticks around everybody's wrists and necks and of course, UV lights around. It was really awesome. Those professionals can really shake their booties. I admit, it was my first day of period that day but i didn't care much. I just did what i had to do there, which is dance my heart out.

Here's a little picture taken by Sandu at the end of the event :)

See that glow sticks shining so brightly in the dark? Boo yeah!
That's my watch in another wrist. Yeah buddy!

Signing off feeling so tired, back to my best bed ever with my new memory foam and pillow, my comfy late night getaway where dreams are made of *:)
till the next time i update about tonight's event...


the beauty.

Con Te Partiro - Andrea Brocelli 

It was so mesmerizingly hypnotizingly amazingly incredibly beautiful out there tonight. the scenery is just captivating. so picture perfect that i stopped my foot pace in the middle of the night on the dark pavement, cold and alone, just admiring the beauty.
the moon, so bright it appears, although not as round. mooncake festival is coming next Monday. the idea of not being able to celebrate this special festival this year with my family is just heart wrenching. reminiscing how we used to set up party tables outside in the car porch of our house, eating mooncakes, drinking Chinese tea, while the young ones will just play along with candles, fire and beautiful lanterns of different shapes.
it was then, the past, when there were children in the neighborhood. just almost every house will have beautiful lanterns and candles lighted up. the atmosphere was completely filled with warm and relaxed ambience. nothing to worry about. just the beauty of the Chinese tradition.
this year, i will be seeing the moon from a 180 degrees turn from where i came from, some place where my loved ones are waiting patiently for my return one day, somewhere a part of my heart will always remains, somewhere i call home.
just tonight, the moonlight was so bright it felt like a different day time. oh how it shines brilliantly in the midst of the dark blue sky where little stars are blinking adorably around it. oh how it dazzles me by hiding shyly behind the beautiful pine trees. oh how it compliments the white lights along the pavements. oh how it looks so perfect hanging above the beautiful red bricked building. oh how all the aforementioned combined is simply flabbergasting and fresh.
this is a sight that i have never came in contact with but one that i fell in love almost instantly the moment i lay eyes on it. completely overwhelmed.

till fall creeps a little more closer to me, before the winter comes, it will be extremely beautiful, with maple leaves all over the ground. in fact, i am already seeing some, little maple leaves outside my residence hall where there's maple trees and pine trees.
i bet it'll be beautiful. with some winter sonatas playing in the background, you will find me dancing along the campus with that little hoodie that i'll put on and my new blue canvas shoes. that little girl whose smile never gets old. the little girl that resides in me forever.

till the day comes,

i will be waiting.


ms inappropriate.

Classical Radio

i do not know what is with my life that almost every single thing that i do, has to go wrong at some point.
and it has totally nothing to do with me!
it is like getting my mails or packages. others get theirs without much trouble, while i have to go through a whole bunch and more waiting before i get them.
or, my name doesn't seem to be on the list whereas everyone's is. whatever happened to my name when i submitted along with everyone else?
or, my stuff is always wrong when everyone has no problem with theirs.
why do i always have to do the extra steps to get things right?
it is like the probability of my things getting right is so low that i actually cheer with joy every time it does. can you imagine how tragic that is?
i am so sick of this.
extremely tired of it.

i get run over anyways, even though i am running away.

i am sorry i get emotional all the time. i am sorry i feel sad all the time. i am sorry i isolate myself when i do. i am sorry i act like a total freak in front of everybody. i am sorry i appear to be a weirdo to you. i am sorry i am forgettable. i am sorry i am not significant. i am sorry people don't appreciate me and the things i do. i am sorry. i will try to be invisible from now on so that i won't become such a nuisance to everyone's life. i am sorry i am causing you all the misery.

often, when i have cried to the point that i am exhausted and about to shut off?
i remind myself before i black out, that one more tear i shed, is one more tear closer to feeling alright again.



The Best You Never Had - Leona Lewis



Somehow, whenever i log on to Facebook and enter the homepage, i feel like there's this boundary between my home, my friends back home, my life back home. As they talk about the most random things, even going to an island like Redang, i have this deep temptation to join them, mainly because i am not able to. Of course, you will understand how when you are interdicted or deliberately deprived from something that you crave for it badly.
Some people ask me if i am experiencing or have experienced any form of home sick feelings. My response? Simply stare at them with this completely clueless facial expression and shake my head.
Nope. Nothing. Nil.
No! It wasn't because i don't love home or not close to home or not family oriented. I am!
The wonders of technology has played a crucial role in bringing home closer to my heart despite me being more than 10,000 miles apart from home. I am literally on the opposite side of the earth, seeing that I am exactly 12 hours behind the Asia Pacific time zone.
Skyping with my parents when they are at home can be really comforting at times. With the occasional cuckoo sounds are just simply nostalgic. Just the sounds of those are enough to bring tears to my eyes.
Nevertheless, knowing that i am not the only one experiencing this, some may be even worse, the people in Plattsburgh, the ISS staff, the lecturers, the admin, the workers, the students etc. Literally everyone around me are so friendly and open. People around me are always smiling so cheerfully, wishing each other a great day ahead, asking each other about how their days went when they bump into each other. Whether this is an American thing or is everyone just so perfect and radiant i do not know. But, the positive aura here is just constantly exploding and renewing like nuclear energy.
Unlimited. Forever. Constantly. Never ending.

No reason to feel blue. No reason to feel depressed. As everyone's here for each other.
Furthermore, the amount of reading and work given just in the first two weeks are just overwhelming, leaving no room for emotions and procrastination. Just working the ass off.
Of course, not forgetting fun. Playing Mario Kart with them people are just fun. Kyle and Jeremy? They are just extremely friendly people you'll even get addicted to hanging out with them.
I love my roommate for we still maintain very good relationship and she really likes me. Hope this goes on of course. Need to clean the floor though heh...


Night is settling. Just in a few more hours the sun will come back up and take over the world.
Shall be heading to bed then. Will miss the playlist and the amazing headphones.
the hand dryer in the toilet is very scary. it triggers by itself even when there's no one there. lets just pray hard its just the screwed up machines inside or we'll have to call the ghostbusters.
Oh how i love my RA and how she jokes around. She reminds me of Beauty from Beauty and the Beast. Watch out for those amazing smiles!

Goodnight toodles!



let silence sink in once in a while, that way, it'll get you to think

It has been raining all day long. The temperature had a rather but not quite drastic drop compared to Sunday. It is rather chilly outside, much more after the sun goes down. Actually, the sun never really came out from hiding behind the rain clouds. It was just there, behind them, giving out very faint light energy, just enough to make buildings 1 mile out visible.
Maybe it is taking a break. A break for Labor's Day.
The occasionally strong wind reminds me of the hurricane last weekend. As I struggled a little keeping the balance of my fragile and aged umbrella, i silently wished that i have brought a better umbrella over to the States.
I wore my new canvas shoes for the third time perhaps. The more steps i take across the pathway, across the roads of the parking lots, the more i take pity on my new shoes. As the front side of the pretty blue fabric turns darker when the rain drops splatter on it, water from the floor that bounces off along with my feet and lands gracefully on it, i silently wished that i didn't have to go through all of these with my precious little one.
It has been raining all day long. Maybe it is just nature taking pity on the students and lecturers and everybody in the university, or anyone outside of the university, for having to commence on our activities after the weekend, despite Labor's Day. Perhaps.
Bryan, my Critical Reading class lecturer, said something about the differences between work and job. Of course, Labor's Day is a day off of one's job; but it is certainly not the case for work. In fact, he looked forward to his work, hence, nods in agreement with the university's decision to not call a day off for this supposed to be a rest day for everyone.
A wise comment. A philosophical one.

While you think more about the content of my writing, or dozing off in the midst of it, i shall resume to my reading for Public Speaking class.
Or, grab some dinner if YeeJin comes by and knock on my door.

Till then~

a new way. a new life.

Come Round Soon - Sara Bareilles

Music comes into play when silence is deafening

I apologize for not updating my blog despite many eager readers, wanting to know what has become of me after I left Malaysia. I am sincerely sorry.
Well, I have been trying to adapt to this new life, more to finding a rhythm and trying to keep up with the pace of it. I love how there's increased opportunities for leisure, being all independent right now (not entirely true actually but i am certainly trying), breaking off my comfort zone, dipping my toe then submerge my entire body into the frozen lake (just a metaphor). And what's greatest is that my appetite has greatly increased ever since I set foot in the United States.
Well, everything here is big in the US, even my campus, it is big. I do have to speed walk about at least 10 - 15 minutes to reach the farthest building in my campus from my residence hall, which is the opposite end. Loads of non-deliberate exercise and you'll somehow grow fitter and gain some stamina because walking is inadvertent here. Hence, I have learnt the lesson of leaving at least half an hour to get ready to walk to class. Just in case there's a change of venue and you'll be so dead if you were to rush to class just to find a small notice pasted at the door notifying a change of venue.
It was a bad experience, for my first day of class. I thought class was at this building close to my residence hall so i took my own sweet time walking there. Then when i was smack in front of the entrance of Yokum, i recalled the email i read last night and there was a change of venue. I ransacked my bag through the things and checked my notebook once more. I felt myself turning pale as i stare at the new venue. It is almost 15 minutes walk from where i was. So i speed walked there due to time constraint and still had trouble looking for the classroom even in the building itself. That situation sucks a big time.

Listen - Beyonce Knowles

I am enrolled in 6 classes this semester. 15 credits in total. Still, i love critical reading class the most. Reason was because my lecturer, Bryan, reminds me a lot of Joe's class. The lecturer was bald as well, just like Joe. The way he conducts the class is also somewhat similar to Joe. Really relaxing. Plus, I love how there's always discussion and critical thinking involving when class in session. College Writing class, in the meanwhile, even though the syllabus is almost the same, but the lecturer, Marcia, is a very peculiar lady. Hence, her way of conducting the class is odd as well. Not quite my thing.
Psychological Statistics class is more to like Add Math in high school and Statistics in college. Very much the same. Still can cope with it so far. Hope things stays the same like that. Lecturer gives very clear explanation and examples as well though. Public Speaking lecturer gives me a hard time when she contradicts herself though. Saying that we can retain our accents because it is our roots, yet she commented on the way i'm pronouncing "say". And she said the right way to pronounce it is the American way since I'm in America now. the toot?
This first week is long. But so far, it has been good. Having I guess a funner class later, International Experience. If we were to pass the entrance test, we wouldn't have to take that class. But it is worth one credit, so I am going to take it anyways. Why? Because i am not a Japanese student. Somehow being Japanese, they have this thing against this class! Hahahaha... Many of them studied to make sure they pass the test to be exempted from this class. How adorable :)

When We Die - Bowling For Soup

I really love it when i get lucky and the door for the access to the performance grand is open. So far, I only got to play on it twice, but the experience was beyond describable. There's this feeling of satisfaction when my fingers run freely on it. The first time i did, I was overwhelmed with this particular feeling, which has got nothing to do with playing the piano, but the resonance of the sounds was in sync with my feelings and my eyes started to blur out and i cried. I was depressed that day. Hence, getting all emotional on the piano.
The rest of the upright pianos in John Myers Fine Arts Building were in terrible condition though.
The ones in the game rooms in residence halls Adirondack and Whiteface are just okay. Well, talking about pianos, i better get going and play myself some nice music before my next class.

Till then, folks.
Pei Ning

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