the dreaded.

Say You're Sorry - Sara Bereilles

You know what I dread most? Is that at the last minute of the most important moment of your life that they have to cause a mess.
I felt like I was reliving history. Deja vu, literally.
This time, we took time out from the last minute cramming to meticulously evaluate the probability of the exam venue for ADP students. Of course, we were scared that we will have to run around like some runaway school kids. Its not fun. The most important thing before an exam is to keep your nerves calm. Having your heart palpitating madly is NOT doing any good with the nerve calming thing.
Gosh, as if they are trying to see if ADP students can endure the physical test and mental test. They are truly acting like they doubt our abilities. We have our limits too.
Anyway, this is just parts and partial of the whole deja vu thing. Its creepy.
For mid-term, I unfortunately have two back to back psych papers: one in the evening, next in the morning the next day.
This time, for finals, I had an early morning paper for Abnormal Psych and Developmental Psych paper the next day morning. Just like midterm, I studied for Ab Psych and barely touched Dev Psych. It was tragic in the end. Both papers were so frigging tough I am speechless at the end of the day.

Hmm... I guess I have survived the worst.
One very sentimental quote from the last page of Dev Psych textbook:

"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure" - J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)

Till my life begins. Gonna start playing the piano again. :)

Love, LeePeiNing.

Over and done with.

Finally. I'm just going to catch up more on sleeping and see what comes next.
Whatever comes, sleep is now my priority.
Oh, I can't wait for the royal wedding tomorrow. It is going to be great!
Till then.

dream dream dream...

Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO ft Lauren Bennett

I had a weird dream about deciphering ancient Egyptian codes and wall carvings to change the entire recorded History. Yeah it was my assignment and to do so, I was travelling everywhere to gather every piece of information. That lead me to this weird school with all my primary and high school friends but my dream stupidly showed only the faces of four of them. Among them were Khai Sern, Jo Keat, Abel and Zheng Hong. Weird because I haven't seen them in ages. Not to mention Yi Xuan, who was my amazing sidekick. Best buddies in real life as best partners in dream. One word : Awesome.
So then Khai Sern and Jo Keat were in this classroom of about eight. A small class indeed and the lecturer was teaching mechanics! Hahahah the subject Jo struggled at. Me think... Well, facts in dreams aren't always accurate.
And I went into this classroom to get Abel out and all the guys thought I was an elementary school kid because of the dark pinafore that was on me. But they were whistling and whispering all about me, bustling around in their chairs the whole time I was in the classroom so I guess I looked pleasant enough in my dream to be able to attract their attention :D
Then I went on hugging Abel, my kindergarten classmate for a very very long time. I guess the reason for this prolonged hugging was because I lost contact with him ever since we graduated from kindergarten and went our own paths till we bumped into each other again at Form 4 in a tuition class. Awkward we didn't even dare to make eye contact or initiate a conversation. But somehow we managed in the end, kudos to his cousin. Long story.
And weird enough, someone from that school I wasn't even studying in, nominated me to receive this government scholarship. I stared at the informatory paper. I think you can guess what I saw. But I was confused. Then I woke up, back to reality.
It was a nice dream though, to be able to 'meet' the people I miss a lot in that dream, albeit the incredibly weird storyline.

That's all. Back to studying. Exam tomorrow and the day after tomorrow then I'm so done.
Keep those fingers crossed girl.


Definition of a bad day:

Better Off Alone - Katherine McPhee

1. rudely awakened
2. forced into chores
3. period
4. screwed up internet connection
5. being lied to
6. betrayed
7. abandoned
8. dejected
9. self-made unsatisfying breakfast due to lack of food at home
10. solitary
11. rain with profuse thunder and lightning
12. leak
13. disorientated
14. short attention span
15. sleepy
16. having a freak calling
17. cramps, bad cramps
18. mood swing
19. hot chills
20. sore throat
21. hungry
22. fought with daddy
23. no appetite
24. more cramps
25. weak
26, emo songs -> sombre -> tears
27. sleep

I hate days like this...


Kickin' in with
Perfect - Pink

It was distasteful, the feelings I had to go through. The thick emotions of betrayal and disappointment.

As a message came in and my phone let out a cheerful jingle tone, I forced my eyelids open, heart stirring in a complete opposite direction. Hyperventilating with accelerated heart beat, palpitating wildly beneath my chest. Getting downstairs to open the door was a bitter struggle, yet the reassurance awaiting was irresistible. Just what I desperately needed at that moment of insecurity.

Emotions overflowed. True that people say hugs will definitely bring out the true feelings buried deep within an apparent strong soul. I proved myself wrong as I thought I could handle the overwhelming feelings that embraced my timid heart as I repetitively chanted the same old sentence every time I have a nightmare. Clearly, I was not convinced.

The presence of another beating heart in the quiet house gradually untangled the tight knots in my throat and my heart as I gasped for air in the midst of sobbing. Beads of tears trickled down the outlines of my cheeks, gave a warm and humid feeling I did not favor. Unanswered words of concern and loving strokes of the back were the things that proved the events in the nightmare wrong. Then gradually, I fell back to reality where I completely let myself off guard, and fell back into your love once more.

I'm glad you were there when I needed you the most.
I love you sweetheart.

Because I love you I don't need another reason why...

Hiatus. Oh well. Here's a lil bout ADP.

Manic Monday - Relient K

In blogging, many will always come to a point where they feel that blogging has become a task or a mandatory routine that is an unpleasant necessity. I'm pretty sure this is my... *looks at fingers and starts counting* I lost count of the times I have experienced this. But this is certainly a post that tells dear readers that it is back! This horrible, atrocious feeling. Its back to haunt again!
Lets have a moment of silence...

April 1st, 2011

Okay. Here's brief post about ADP Mixer cum ( <-- WTF??) HELP 25th Anniversary pool party.
It was held at Royal Commonwealth Club located at Batai, walking distance from HELP.
Basically, it was great. Met some freshies, kinda awkward to wanna talk to some of them cause they are simply too shy and... conversationless. Clicked very well with James though, since we bonded a lot during Calculus class. We're officially like buddies now.
I thought I dressed up for this pool party. Really. I felt pretty that night, albeit not wearing any bikini under my outfit like what the others did. Some accessories I kept away for a long time, plus a normal red spaghetti strap and a bondi blue pareo as skirt will do. :)
The food was okay as usual. Performances were awesome. Loving the breakdance, popping and all the contemporary and dope dance moves. Plus, the magic show cum ( <-- WTF?) stand up comedy, awesome entertainment by Bighead and Ian, the music lecturer. They are just natural, so raw like they are born to entertain.
After everything in the agenda, here comes the getting wet and wild part. They just had to fulfill the theme of the party. So majority of the people, not to mention girls, were forced down the pool. So instead of getting thrown into it, I willingly took off my pareo and strutted towards the pool. Just when I was about to jump in, someone (either Sanjeev or Bighead) gave me a push and splash, there I bid goodbye to my dry self within spilt seconds.
Was shivering with cold in the pool but still played kapten ball for a while before I retired to dry land. It was fun. Hmm... got hit at the bridge of my nose by Mayuri when something happened and she hurt her gladys. Again. I think it'll survive.
Rest of the night was pretty much okay, drenched, intoxicated.

That's all for now!
Love, LeePeiNing

to love.

Dear eyes,
why shed tears when you represent a sign of weakness and insecurity?
Dear heart,
why throb in pain and every beat of yours is wrenching?
Dear hope,
why did you exist in the first place?

I need a shoulder to lean on right now. And I know very clearly I don't need no one else's but yours.
You are the reason why I smile. You are the reason why I laugh. Yet you are the reason why I cry.
You are every reason that its unreasonable.
You are a beautiful disaster.
You are an irony.
And that is why you are the reason why I love.

With all my heart, with all the love I am capable of giving, this is for you.
Let us raise our glasses up high and toast.
To love.


tonight, is such a moonless night. starless night. i peered up to the dark blue sky, it was perfect and spotless enough to be a backdrop of a gloomy play.
tonight, is such a humid night. all around me i feel the wet air precipitating in mid air. a feeling that i don't favor. it makes objects exposed to the damp air all wet and sticky.
tonight, is such a tiresome night. despite not doing anything productive for the entire day, somehow i'm drained off my senses. fatigue. lazysome much.
tonight, is a night of random talks. back to the good ol' times where just any random topics pop up that we talk about and have a great laugh over it.
tonight, is a night of reminiscence. of the stress over assets and creditors, comes the joy and excitement. a sense of accomplishment. a redbull for self-confidence.
tonight, is a night of aftershock. high decibels of sounds, shocking memories, traumatizing visual experience and vicarious reactions. involuntary flow of tears which break free from the boundaries profusely.
tonight, is a night of distractions. of self entertainment to entertaining others, to eye candy, to consoling, to leisure.
tonight, is such a chilly night. strolling down the quite street was unusually pleasurable when i should be vigilant at the sight of a few man, strangers. yet i was sadistically invincible.
tonight, is a night of self-indulgence. spending a few bucks more on something that may satisfy my crave for unhealthiness for at least a week is satisfying. that doesn't make me a masochist.
tonight, is a night of transition. where the sky goes from moonless to the appearance of it. which was moving? was it the moon? or the earth?
tonight, is a night of drowsiness. i have a confession. i have deeply fallen for my bed. its not the best looking bed ever, but it understands my need for a place to rest. a surface to lie on when i fall. my bed knows me best.
tonight, i shall mend my remorseful heart. with only a little, i can go a long way, me think.
tonight, i hope another beating heart is not troubled because of my selfishness and insensitivity.
tonight, is a night where i completely fallen for you again. for your honesty. for your charm. for your tender touch.
all because of tonight, i don't need a reason why days like this should never not come by ever again.

the way you looked at me
it makes me feel so serene inside
the warmth you propagate
only through that truthful stare of yours
never fails to melt my heart
i love how when you look me in the eyes
it was as if you stare straight into my vulnerable soul
that beautiful eyes of yours
which i can never get enough of


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