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scraps for real.

Jay Sean's album shuffling...


You know how much I enjoy just being together with you and not doing anything else?


You are handsome to me.
It is a statement. Not a question.

Girl: Beware. I can be dangerous.
Guy: Oh really? Enlighten me if you care.
Girl: I bite when I am upset. Anything I see, I bite.
Guy: Not a problem. You are never to bite anymore as long as you are with me.

Something about your scent that lingers on my palm, my shirt or even the sofa after snuggling with you for a long time. Nevertheless, a long time seems like it's never long enough for me.


Sometimes when I say 'I'm okay', I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me real tight and say, 'I know you're not'.

I absolutely love it when you said you love my smile, that specific smile that you said I don't really show because I am always giving out the shy smile when I am around you.


I am a weird child with weird beliefs, superstition and fetish. I hope everyone is cool with it because if you are a friend or a follower of my blog, you will slowly unveil the weird me. I hope it is not terrifying.

I had a dream last night that this small village I was living in was soon to be conquered by this evil and devilish devil, or phantom, whichever it is. So I was gathering all my food sources to last me and my family for the whole three months. The whole dream was all just about me gathering my food sources and how I kept on scanning the place for evil vibes. That dream made my heart beat so fast even when I woke up into reality. I sadistically love dreams like this.


Today I had another injection. It is the fourth one in a month already. When the doctor asked if I will cry out loud, then I realized I sadistically love injections till the extent of looking forward to having the doctor poke that needle into my thin layer of skin and inject the content within the syringe. I could be a dangerous sadomasochist.

I had a surge of inspiration. Must be the wisdom tooth's exit - Jo Keat Ng

I am sincerely scared of pulling teeth actually. I used to cry so much the night before, before I leave home to the dentist, before entering the room, I had to stop before the dentist will inject the anesthetic. Till now, it is not as severe, but my heart still beats a thousand times faster than normal before pulling my teeth. I am still scared underneath.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.


Love a vicious cycle. Yet I willingly allow myself to fall back to square one every time.

I like to cuddle. Your arms around me, our bodies touching, I like the warmth I get from being next to you. The occasional kisses on the forehead. The smiles I get when we look at each other. Hearing your breath when it gets quiet. How I can hear your heartbeat when my head is on your chest. I feel safe, comfortable and I smile like an idiot the whole time.


When I start to wonder why I bother tolerating so much of your shit, then I realize that you probably tolerate a lot of mine too.

I'm sorry. Sometimes I get jealous thinking that someone else could make you happier than I could. I guess it is by insecurities acting up. Because I know that I'm not the prettiest, smartest or most fun and exciting. I'm sorry I'm not sexy or anything. But, I do know that no matter how hard and long you look, you'll never find somebody that loves you and tolerates you like I do.


You're one of those people that I need in my life like oxygen. I can't stand not talking to you, I think about you all the time. I need you.

It is when the rest of the day doesn't matter because your morning started like crap. It is when the rest of the day matter because your morning started with a wish and a kiss.


Today, I drowned myself into insignificance and ignorance. They felt good. Every part of it. And then I realize, that something that meant so much to me didn't matter as much now when I take a step back. It is always good to admire that beautiful scenery from afar than being in it. I hope things stays like that as long as they can.

A nice heart to heart chat with someone whom I never thought I would share thoughts with was better than ever. Knowing the fact that my shit can't do much harm to him as well as his can't do much harm to me. Still did not change what I aim for though. I hope my heart is pointing me the right direction. Or, that I am interpreting what it tells me accurately.


Hope you don't mind the random thoughts. I just need to be heard. That's all. Thank you for reading.

Evelynlpn

1 comments:

jenellenee said...
Monday, July 11, 2011

I feel you! Most of the feelings part anyway .. :)

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