Dreamer.

Pyramid - Charice ft Iyaz

Disclaimer : This post is a selfish, indulgent one. These feelings may persist, till I find my way out of the maze.

All of a sudden, I feel like shouting, "OH MY GOD! LET ME GO FOR GOD's SAKE!"

Yeah

.

As a naive, typical teenager, I dream a lot, probably too often. Night dreams, day dreams, unrealistic dreams, fairy-tale-ending dreams. You name it. I guess this is why I often have way too high expectations and hope that everything will turn out to be right. Well, this is obviously something utterly ridiculously implausible and impossible. Pretty much on the verge of being absurd if we were to live in this world. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. Not to mention how Jesus or whoever holy enough is a perfect being. And I guess you probably have heard this too many times that you are nauseated by the sight of those pathetic phrases. You can say that I am a dreamer, just like how Talyor Swift claims herself to be in White Horse. Every night, when I finally get to rest my cheeks against that soft pillow just above that comfort sheets of mine, I begin to let my imagination run wild. Conscious or unconsciously. It is inevitable in a way. I would start to imagine how tomorrow might be and how I want it to turn out to be like. I imagine things that have happened today or in the past and how it should turn out to be like and eventually start regretting. I imagine how the many things in my life should turn out the way I want them to. Its all about me and my imagination. My senseless, unrealistic ones.

That is probably why, sometimes I think I should start thinking realism.

.

But before that, here are my darkest wish list:

- World peace

- A world with no such thing as race or cultural gap

- I never grow up, which means Peter Pan syndrome

- I am a guy instead of a girl

- Life is merely 1+1=2 kinda simple arithmetic questions

- I have nothing to lose at all. In other words, getting best of all worlds

- Time freezes at moments I cherish best and allows unlimited replays

- I never live at all. ( Life is so easy yet complicated, its a handful. )

Its all I can think of now, but those wishes simply tell you how childish and stupid I can be. I may be book smart like you guys perceive me to be. I may be tough looking and cheerful all the time, I do have emotions. Sad ones. I do have my dark side. Lets just say that the sun don't shine forever and keep the sky bright all the time. You say you know me. Tell me then, how can you do that when I myself is not sure who I am as a person? Time changes everything it seems. And I guess my research paper was totally right - Teenagers are going through turbulent times of their life and need guidance from role models. Heck yeah.

...

Things are getting out of control. Sometimes, I feel that it is perfectly fine to lose it. Everybody lose it. It's just that others might think of me as of in a bad way when I lose it. It is just too tough, too much to handle.

I am so tired of everything. No doubt that you have been there for me all these while, lifting my spirits and even catching me before I fall into the deep trench. Nevertheless, I guess whether I can stand up again, ignoring the burning sensations of pain, it is all up to the vulnerable soul within the small me. I am deeply sorry and feel remorse to have put you through this, inevitable forcing you to the same path as I am now. Seeing that you are worried and concerned about me, the pain inflicted on my heart was twice the impact on yours. I know I should be a grown up by now, seeing that I have already stepped up and out from the comforts of high school life. I should stop whining, instead, learn to live up the spirit of a true fighter. Fight for pride, not for victory

.

According to Sigmund Freud, father of Psychology, my ego is definitely not quite functioning, allowing my id to dominate, manipulate and suppressing my superego. Well, or is it the mental conflict which is too much for my psychological ability to handle and my defense mechanisms are turning their backs towards me at this point of time. You know, I feel like I might get mental disorder someday when I reach my limit and kill myself. That's gross, ain't it? Nah. I am a coward, not afraid to admit it. I can't possibly bring myself to commit suicide. So relax on that issue I brought up. But as you know, when one is crazy, they wouldn't know exactly what they are doing right? So I might just accidentally kill myself. Haha. (beware of this kind of forced laughter)

7 Things - Miley Cyrus

Contrary to what people usually say, I do indeed think that we can live without the person we love. But it’ll surely be a struggle.

Communication is the name of the game

Unfortunately, certain people just don't get it

Love, evelyn