Better In Time by Leona Lewis

These things work magic. They are miraculous.
Unfortunately, this is not something very common from where I grew up. Now that is cultural differences. Since young, I hardly receive praises from anyone. Teachers, friends.
Well, I have very good parents. They were very supportive of me. They praise me for my achievements, they do not condemn me of my failure but merely give me motivational advices.
The funny thing about my parents is that they are EXTREMELY afraid that I might turn out mentally challenged. My siblings are undeniably intelligent. As the youngest among my siblings, I am often reminded of that pressure to "keep up the good work" whenever they come home with some amazing achievements. I am always flabbergasted by how they manage to be such achievers.
The fact is that my parents see that in me, my burning desire to do as good as my siblings or better. They know that failing is not an option for me. They know it. And that is why they are so afraid that I might be too hard on myself that I go crazy or something. Certainly, they do not wish to receive a phone call in the middle of the night from my school, all the way from the United States, saying that their daughter has ended up in an asylum or what not.
Believe me or not, they even had this conversation about committing suicide with me.
"Pei Ning, we spent so many years, so much money, raising you so that you can be a great person. If only one day you decide to commit suicide, all our efforts, poof, gone. Not only that, along with those investments we had in you, there comes feelings and love. If only one day you decide to commit suicide, mummy and daddy will be very sad ohhhhh..."
Yeap. There you go. Those words, straight forward it may sound, but it is true. Those words are right there, carved in my heart. This means so much more than just a simple message of not committing suicide when you give up on life. This means to stay strong and pull through hell hole.

On the side note, I cracked open a fortune cookie that says: "Bravery is the capacity to pull through even though you are scared to death."

Coming to the United States certainly is challenging. All around me are people who came from different cultural backgrounds. The Americans. They are very honest and direct. They see each other, they greet each other. "Hey. What's up?" "Hey how's it going?" "Hey. How are you?" Well, till now I am still getting used to replying to those questions. Most of the time, I had to think for a long while before replying "good", which ends the conversation and makes people think I am weird. Truth is, we're different. I am not used to this.
In America, people do Rock Paper Scissors Shoot. In Malaysia, we do Scissors Paper Stone

This Summer in EOP, I open my eyes up to more things. The learning process never ends and this is what makes life so interesting. It is still five days into the program and it is still training period, but I am already loving this program. I am praised by my colleagues all the time and I am certainly learning to praise other people and trying to feel comfortable and natural with it. I am trying. I am learning.
Yesterday was my first time playing a real volleyball game and I am already loving it! The experience is certainly different from playing it back in high school. The ball is lighter and it doesn't hurt as bad as the ones from high school. Not to mention that I sprained my hand somehow in the process of it. However, being the person who loves sports, I was doing rather okay I would say. My colleagues were extremely supportive of me, constantly praising me and giving me second tries or reassurances when I mess up. I adore the feeling of it.
"Yo people! Evelyn's a natural man! She's a natural!"
"That was good man. That was good."
"No don't worry about it. It is just a game."
"Don't worry Evelyn. We don't play money in this game."
Every time someone starts to be too focused on the game and breaking up the spirits in sports, we get people to remind everyone that we should not forget that we are just playing to have fun. I absolutely adore this kind of learning environment. I just think it is very stimulating and keeps the team spirit high. It keeps you motivated and hopeful.
Matt, the program coordinator, he praised me several times when we are playing game and after.
"Something about Evelyn is that she is always willing to try new things." "And she is good at stuff!" Chris said. That made me melt happily inside.
Partnered with Matt several times and he's really supportive of the team. It feels great because you know deep down that he has your back. I just love the honesty and appreciation that one can benefit from being in this kind of positive and stimulating learning environment. It just makes you want to keep on going and succeeding in your role and responsibilities.

For now, I really can't wait for the students to come in and see what this team can bring to the table. At the same time, I would love to see what I can achieve and witness for myself how much I have learned and to be able to put the things I have learned throughout training period into great use. I am really looking forward to this Summer and see what comes.
This might sound a little too confident but...



That's me right there.
That's right.
I am a perfectionist.

Pei Ning


Xin Wei said...
Friday, July 06, 2012

so glad that you've got such a great learning environment there in the US! i think you fit in quite well. and honestly, i think you're just naturally good at stuff and although there are times we must push ourselves beyond our limits, i think you'd do alright without having to try too damn hard, y'know? imagining the stuff that your friends said to you being said to myself, i think i'd melt too, haha. but i think they're just telling the truth. it's who you are! (: i'm a perfectionist by nature too, and as much as i sometimes really despise the things i do, i try to make people happy with it anyways. i try to keep myself happy. achieving perfection should never be first priority, i suppose. to me, that is. (: all and all i'm glad for you, pei ning! you sound like you're having a good time there!

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