日记。

                              7月18日                                                                    晴

都差不多一个星期了， 身上的伤痕也慢慢的康复，只留下些少的疤痕。真盼望我尽快地康复。有时真好讨厌我自己。说话不经三思。咳，够了。现在只想挖个大洞转进去，从此也不再重现光明。想逃避，但这不是最好的解决方法。想回家去。我走了！不要再给你添麻烦。

心情好烦恼。真烦。佩宁

introvert.

Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Belle and Sebastian

I don't think I'm an extrovert. I think on the introvert and extrovert scale, I fall right where it is skewed towards the introvert side. Oh did I mention how scared I feel every time I meet a stranger? Striking up a conversation and keeping it going was never my forte. I am awkward like that.

I don't think I'm memorable as well. Just little cues that I pick up from talking to different people make me realize how I'm always the one who comes and goes off people's mind. "She's okay." That's about it. I think I might actually like that, but there's always exceptions.

I am probably not the most self-confident person out there because of all these little insecurities that I have about myself. I'm not perfect. After all, who is, right?

Just want to regress back to my bubble of ignorance and bliss.

Would you let me be?

Pei Ning

Psychology of the Mind.

Cello Concerto No. 2 in D Major, H 7B/2 (Op. 101) by Hadyn, Franz Joseph

I have noticed something.

As a pedestrian during a rainy day, you are especially vulnerable.

To what? You may wonder.

To several different things. I would say.

To mother nature. To human nature.

Raindrops.

They don't kill you, those cute little raindrops.

They are harmless to your well being.

But why would I consider that as harmless to me?

The reason is as simple as it can be: I have to look presentable to others, especially if I am going to work. Of course! You don't want to look like you had to swim across a river, conquer a mountain to get to work! Of course not!

People who have a car to commute to work, lucky you, fortunate beings.

People who doesn't even own a driving license, you need to work harder on it.

Water puddles.

Again, they may seem to you like merely an uneven path when it is dry and sunny out. However, be wary of it during a rainy day as you might trip over it, twist your ankle if you step into it by mistake, getting your foot dirty and wet at the very same time, etc.

Whatever it is, don't trivialize it.

Inconsiderate drivers.

These people, of the other two aforementioned factors, are the most despicable 'sugar' in this world.

Oh yes. They just had to pick up speed as they pass by a pedestrian, who is just trying to avoid getting wet by using a mere umbrella to shield the rain. They just had to drive closer to the curb, through the puddle of water so that the water would splash up all over your body. Why not? That's a fun thing to do; seeing other people suffer while you sit back in your leather-coated seat of your brand new CR-V, enjoying your artificial air-condition in this naturally cold and wet morning.

Sadistic bastards.

Diffusion of responsibility.

I believe at some point of your life, you have experienced this at least once.

Human nature.

One time, I was at the zebra crossing, waiting to cross the road. There was this HUGE line of cars from both sides of the road. Of course, I treasure my life by not crossing when there's cars, and not until I see that they are slowing down for me to cross.

Guess what? I ended up waiting for almost 2 minutes before one of the gentleman actually stops for me to cross the road. Everyone else before him? Just simply stared at me while they accelerated past me, following the lead of the 'first' person, who ignored my intention to get to the other side of the road.

"If I don't stop for this lady right here, somebody else would. Somebody has to eventually. I'm just going to pass being the good guy this time, just like everyone else before me."

As you can see, this, perfect example of diffusion of responsibility.

Obligation.

So I was walking down this narrow sidewalk along a very poor conditioned road with many potholes trailing right beside the curb this morning. It was raining hard. Much harder than desired. I was dressed in my clean smart casual office outfit, trying to stay as dry as possible and get to the ACC so that I can board the public transit from there.

The rain, sort of ruined everything for me.

Kudos to this Person, who ruined it for me as well.

Right after this stupid car, there was a large gap before the next line of car coming up. What I did was right before the first car passes by my side, I tilted my umbrella to the side facing the road so that I can shield myself from any potential water splashes I might get from these upcoming cars. What caught me off guard was that the first car, not only slowed down its speed, but also drifted a little away from the sidewalk so that the water would not splash too much towards my direction. Surprisingly, all the subsequent cars treated me with the same degree of courtesy.

That, at least, made up for that jerk before. Thank you.

However, this got me thinking. Would they have done the same if the 'first' person didn't react differently as opposed to not having a pedestrian on the sidewalk? Would they have at least try to dodge the potholes even if the 'first' person didn't?

Could this be because they feel the obligation to keep up with the moral standards set by the model, in this case, the 'first' car?

.

Rant of the day: CHECK!
Thank you for your patience.

Goodnight, pretty.

Evelyn

evil.

see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil

,

i wish life was that simple.

i wish.

Freudian slip,

Heaven Can Wait by We The Kings

Yeah. Heaven can wait because right now I am paying a visit to hell first.

I am not saying that  I am a bad person.

Just that I made a terrible mistake that I should not be making at all.

My mouth is a terrible system that I have no control over at all. The words that come out of it can be so crude that can easily hurt other people's feelings. I realize that, I have been trying my hardest to work on it. Seems like I am not working hard enough

.

As some of you may already know, I am working for this EOP program right now. I deal with pre-freshmen students who needs help. As a tutor/counselor, I play a crucial role and is almost like the backbone for the success of this program.

Just moments ago, I made a terrible remark that I should not be even close to saying it at all as a TC. What was worse was that I said it to my program coordinator, Matt, who is kind of like a person that I was supposed to report to. In another words, he's my boss.

"You look drunk."

I am terribly sorry for making that remark about him in front of other TCs and especially the students. It was like disrespecting him and trying to make him look like a bad person in front of everyone.

I hate my mouth right now. I am not going to the extreme to hoping that I was mute, but sometimes I just hope that I'll just stfu and mind my own business.

If I could just please do that sometimes, I will be thankful.

Sigh. I had my walk of shame out of the room. Now I am going to hide inside my hole of shame and just reflect upon myself.
Point being: I need to stop saying dumb shit.

Not proud at all.

Pei Ning

fire alarm!

Footprints in the Sand - Leona Lewis

first of all, sorry for the long hiatus. thanks to my English writing lecturer my writing spree has been severely damaged. the experience was not a pleasant one. i used to cry insanely many times over it, even just thinking about it makes me tear profusely. so many times that my eyes was puffy the entire Saturday. that is what you get when you have a crazy lecturer like mine, always laughing at her own jokes despite them having no humor content at all. weirdest laughter in the universe that makes her sound like she is having the most difficult time catching her breath and breathing. weirdest shit ever.

recently, the fire alarm has been going off very frequently. thanks to irresponsible Adirondack residents. of course people are pissed, including me. because of those people we had to leave our comfortable room, stopped everything we were doing and were left stranded out in the cold, possibly small drizzle as well. the experiences were not fun at all.

first, someone burnt the popcorn in the microwave. i still wonder how much more infinite human stupidity can be. by merely pressing on that "popcorn" button on that darn microwave, you can successfully cook your popcorns without taking the risk of burning the entire building down and possibly kill someone out of it. i still wonder what is so hard about that.

then the next day, it has to be our RD (residence director) to have that same evil intention of burning someone to death. it was so tragic. apparently she was trying to cook something in the beautiful extremely big apartment of hers and the oil had gotten way too hot that it started smoking like crazy. guess what? the entire hallway still stink despite the past of the incident two days ago.

yes, it is that bad. plus, you can imagine how bad the air ventilation is in this building. boo...

this post, obviously is a rant post. besides ranting about the fire alarm going off, of course i would like to add more about my english lecturer but right now i am controlling the flooding of my brain so as not to appear like a total bitch bitching about my lecturer. that will be so low (well i already sorta did at the beginning, oh wells).

pinkie promise the next post will be a happy one (insert smiley as you please)

love,

pei ning

when the alarm goes off.

Hallelujah - Jason Castro

Why the calm song but horrifying title you may ask. Whatever happened the night before was really freaky and I definitely need some religious and peaceful song to calm my frightened soul.

It was three o'clock in the morning when I finally surrendered to the great temptation of the beautiful bed. Fell asleep with much ease from what i could recall.

About two hours later, I was woken up from sleep to this faint sound of alarm which went off (it was supposed to be damn loud but it sounded soft when i was in my half-awake phase). I fell asleep almost immediately after someone disabled the alarm. I bet it was less than a minute later when my parents came into my room to check the outside of the window. Apparently, there were sounds of people running across the roof tiles, very loud too! After a while, there were sounds coming from the roof in the house as well. So freaky I tell you!

In the end, the entire family gathered in the living room upstairs whispering about the incident and deciding what to do. We just stoned there and listened hard for any sign of the slightest movement coming from anywhere at all. It was terrible. Sleep was disturbed, plus, the possibility of having someone breaking into the house. Tragic.

I ended up lying down on the bed in the next room with the door open as guard. Daddy slept on the couch in the living room upstairs as well. I was too vigilant to easily fall asleep. Anyways, dawn breaks and I think everything should be back to normal as more alarm clocks in the neighborhood start going off one by one. I ko-ed eventually.

I was actually expecting one of my friends in the morning as he will drop by to collect something from me. Knowing well that I am not a morning person, I told him to give me a wake up call plus a heads up before he reaches. However, I didn't get any of those (my phone was tragically low in battery and my sim card seems to have problems that morning) and that led to me literally jumping off the bed the moment I heard the doorbell!! I quickly slip out of my pyjamas and into my home clothes and scurried down stairs with my eyes still squinting. It was so embarrassing as Mitchell scoffed at me and was surprised that I was still sleeping when it was already 11 o'clock. But well, at least, it was a good hair day for me and my hair looked perfectly in place when I met him at the doorsteps :)

Anyhow, stupid whatever which disturbed my sleep... *mutters bad words* !@#$%^&

Till the next post then.
Love, EvelynLee *:)

whom i loathe.

1. I absolutely loathe people who think they know everything in the universe and obviously do not accept other people's opinion. They act like a boss around you and point you to do stuffs like nobody's business! I am not your dog fyi...

2. I absolutely loathe people who can't take criticisms like a man. Gandhi forbids people like these.

3. I absolutely loathe people who are insecure about themselves, constantly seeking approval and acceptance.

4. I absolutely loathe people who think they suddenly become one of your closest friends when you go elsewhere for vacation and ask for souvenirs.

5. I absolutely loathe thick faced people who ask for birthday presents like a boss. Stupid people like this should rot in hell. Whoever said to buy presents for such A-holes like you? eff off lah. (people like this only make friends with benefits and no things else stay away from bastards like them)

6. I absolutely loathe people who doesn't know how to take care of people's feelings, who doesn't know what they are supposed to and not supposed to say. I understand the importance of speaking out your feelings, but if what you feel may be offending to other people, find a better way to say it or just stfu! Your effort is not appreciated you're supposed to do it on you own USE YOUR PEA-SIZED BRAIN TQVM!

7. I absolutely loathe selfish people who only make decisions to their maximum benefits. It is advisable for people like this to move into a planet and survive on their own.

8. I absolutely loathe two-faced people. Waaa... I really want to bash them up man I tell you. Tak boleh tahan. Menyampah betul.

9. I absolutely loathe people who speaks sarcasm. A moderate amount as a joke is tolerable and may be entertaining at times. But, some people have this narrow and eff-ed up heart they always like to think otherwise about people. So they speak words with much intention to portray their apparent intelligence and to mock others. The eff? Get a life and get a philosophy sensei to open up your eff-ed up and clogged mind or dig an eff-ing grave and eff-ing die in it!

10. I absolutely loathe people who does all the wrong things and still manage to get away with it. Screw praying to God all day and act all religious when you don't even have the right way in life. Why bother putting up the facade when every one else in the world knows what's really on your mind? Pffftttt... eff off seriously!

11. I absolutely loathe people who accuse you of that you are not and of things that you have never done. When you feeling so innocent and helpless, THEY FEELING SO EMPOWERED AND ALMIGHTY ON THE OTHER SIDE! the eff? What happened to justice?

I wouldn't bother putting a disclaimer because if you are one of those, REALIZE it already or you can go stuff your head into the toilet bowl and flush it away. I wouldn't bother saying sorry for all the cuss words because I am not sorry for saying em. Bare with it or eff off my PERSONAL PAGE! It is my right to say whatever I like here.

Rantings over.
Bye.

.

I feel like a joke in life. I do poker face all the time. Am a joker and Batman's scared of me. Me thinks >:)

Hopeless.

Hero - Mariah Carey

Sometimes I have this contradicting feeling building up tension inside me. Oh let me tell you, it can be so deafeningly intense that it clogs up my mind and clouds up my senses. Don't you have it too?

Of course, when there is input, there has to be an output. Imagine a sine graph all the way. That is how my emotions go about. Building up, peak + explode, great fall, devastated, slowly picking myself up again, being normal for a moment, building up, peak + explode... you get it. Here's a graph from the internet for your reference in case you want to relate to me better.

Just moments ago I posted up a random tweet (partially related to my emotion then) "If I ever kill myself, you are dying first." and life_coach_bot (whoever that was) retweeted my tweet and told me not to do it (not to kill myself in case you don't get it). Wow. Do I really sound so depressed like I am going to kill myself any time soon?

I am really sorry if my depressing tweets (which sometimes are really random tweets) create discomfort.

...

Just Stand Up - Many singers

I am not going to lie about some facts of life. And now I'm speaking about karma. You know? People always say "karma is a bitch" and some "karma is a bitch if you are one". 

Truly it is. Nobody is perfect. So everybody makes mistakes and karma will come back and bite everybody's ass. So why be afraid?

Live life people!

Here's a piece of advice : If you want to do something, you have got to take it all the way. If you fall, fall hard. Because when you get up in the end, you will earn name and respect and become a true fighter. At the end of the day, you might even be someone great!

So what are you waiting for? Stop hesitating and put your thoughts into actions! Nope I did not ask you to go ahead and kill that person you hate all your life though. Have fun :)

Woo... As this comes into shuffle Have A Nice Day by Bon Jovi, indeed have a great one!

EvelynLee *:)

What's it like having a period?

My music playlist shuffles to...

We Belong Together - Mariah Carey

How is it like many will wonder. Especially males and yettoreachpuberty females. Well, this is an interesting question. Let me break it down for you if you care.

Disclaimer : This information is entirely based on accumulation of complains I receive from other female counterparts which may or may not apply to my own or to the general population so do not worry too much about it or if you care, leave this page immediately if you do not feel comfortable with this topic.
The 'I's in the below context not necessary refer to me, the first party.

The 'you's in the below context not necessary refer to you as well so don't be so paranoid or self-conscious.

First, you start getting cramps, on the first day of period especially. Not like the kind of bad normal cramps. It's 'HOLY **** SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD I WANT TO CURL UP IN A BALL AND DIE I HATE MY LIFE' cramps. You also get back pains. Or even feel weak in both your legs. It's not the worst, but it's just extremely uncomfortable and not fun to sleep with.

Blood also pours out of your vagina. And I'm not exaggerating when I say pour. Stand up, Niagara Falls coming out of a hole in your body. Cough, Niagara Falls. Sneeze, Niagara Falls. You also have to deal with the paranoia everyone will see because it soaked through your pants. To avoid this from happening, you either have to wear a diaper-type thing or shove something up your vagina and leave it there for hours. It doesn't feel good either. You still get the paranoia that comes along with it as well. Best advice for a girl having her menstruation: no bright colored pants or skirt especially white.

On top of it all, you're somehow angry, horny, depressed, hungry and in extreme pain all at the same time. And when you're on your period, it's the anger that you want to stab someone. Horny, Horny. You want to either die or eat everything in sight. And we have to do this for a week straight, once every month. Do the math, we have 12 out of the 52 weeks in a year... suffering -__-

(though my period seldom really cause much of a problem actually so I don't really understand how bad period can be)

So... Is that a good enough explanation?

Face it that's a life of a girl.

Hoping this doesn't offend anybody, I sign off with much pride.

EvelynL

i am livid

i am livid and i hate myself am i thinking too much i dont know but this is totally ridiculous i think i am reasonable to think i am not wrong about this because who in the sane mind will think this is normal this is totally not acceptable and i am certainly not accepting this you certainly cannot blame me for this because you led me to thinking this despite me finding umpteen reasons to prove my thoughts wrong but you never gave me a chance you never gave me a break one time after another you have to do this to me i am not a toy and you have to know that i am a human with feelings i am a person with a mind to think for myself many times i chose to give up and in the end i did the otherwise i am livid i am livid i am livid i am livid i am livid i am livid i am livid i am livid i am livid i am livid and it will take forever for me to accept this fact that i a m n o t a t o y

Definition of a bad day:

Better Off Alone - Katherine McPhee

1. rudely awakened

2. forced into chores

3. period

4. screwed up internet connection

5. being lied to

6. betrayed

7. abandoned

8. dejected

9. self-made unsatisfying breakfast due to lack of food at home

10. solitary

11. rain with profuse thunder and lightning

12. leak

13. disorientated

14. short attention span

15. sleepy

16. having a freak calling

17. cramps, bad cramps

18. mood swing

19. hot chills

20. sore throat

21. hungry

22. fought with daddy

23. no appetite

24. more cramps

25. weak

26, emo songs -> sombre -> tears

27. sleep

I hate days like this...

Paranoid or not?

Speak Now - Taylor Swift

I'm starting to develop this phobia of going to Wisma HELP's LC. You must be wondering why. There's no monster there. Its not creepy there. Yes its a little damp and quiet.

Thanks to the two security guard whom I got scared of. One of the older guards constantly greets me with this very flirtatious tone whenever I pass by there and sometimes even scrutinizes at what I wear, from top to bottom. I'm scared. I'm not happy with it.. But out of politeness, I am forced to reply his pervertness with a brief smile. Sometimes, I will pretend not to see him nor hear him call out at me and just sprint pass him yet he will still try his hardest to get my attention. Can't he see the fear in my eyes? Insensitive bastard. I labelled him the 'pervert'.

The other guard, whom I presume is a sort of newer guard was okay initially. Until one time, when I was sitting peacefully at one of the bench waiting for my dad to come pick me up, he called upon me and asked me loads of questions that are none of his business. He asked what course I'm doing in HELP, who comes to pick me up, where I live, all my personal details that should not be uncovered to strangers like himself. But out of politeness, I replied while trying to put up a facade and when he finally shut his mouth, I turned back and made myself a disgusted face.

So till this day, my heart starts palpitating whenever my dad stops his car at the entrance, knowing that I have to walk pass these two men with much distress and unwillingness. You might ask me to file a complaint on them guards but no, I won't. Maybe I am being paranoid. Maybe they just did what they do out of politeness, like how I will entertain them out of politeness as well. Maybe they are just bored with their mundane job and had to find something to do. Just maybe. And of course I pray hard that I'm just being paranoid. Oversensitive and hyper vigilant. I hope I am wrong about them.

For the record, my packages arrived in all universities on time on the 28th February. SAFELY. Now wait for these universities to evaluate my application and accept me. *fingers crossed*

And in the meantime, SUNY Plattsburgh sent me an email saying that they accept me. Some technical problems to solve first though, including my official TOEFL score.

I should stop sulking over my inability to tackle the psychology midterm papers, instead, wait for the results to be out to decide whether to sulk or not.

Even if you break me into half or shatter me into a million tiny pieces, every bit of me remains yours. I don't want anybody else to have me, except for you.

I love you xx

Trapped.

Picture credit : Nicholas Lim

Pei Ning.

sleep deprivation 101

La Fille aux cheveux de lin (The Girl with the Flaxen Hair) - Claude Debussy

As the title suggests, I have been having serious sleep deprivation these days due to the Psychology midterm for Abnormal and Developmental. Clearly, I can't possibly be continuing on to be like that or I'll seriously die young.

Spent the whole of last week and the entire weekend trying to study for the exam. Was seriously worried about Abnormal so I emphasized more on that. Heck, till Sunday that I realized I barely touched Developmental. There goes my confidence towards the subject.

Abnormal turned out rather okay for me with some tough questions here and there.
The four of us entered the hall and sat down comfortably. As I was shading the mcq paper, I vividly heard Amanda whispering at me and I almost scowled at her in disapproval. Then she pointed at the white board that says "Life and Leadership Skills". Dead. The moment I saw that, my heart sank. So that left us packing our things, ditching our bags behind and ran across the room like lost and panic chickens, trying to find where the heck our exam venue was supposed to be. Didn't lose any minutes or started late but the nerves did had some effect. Raced with time to the completion of the exam. Stress. No one left early if I was not mistaken. That was how it was.

Developmental, in the meanwhile, was hell for me. I literally had almost all the 55 mcq questions circled at the number because I wasn't sure of the answers. While for the subjective part where we were required to do the matrices. I stared at it. I did not do my revision on that topic thorough enough to entirely know how to answer them. Plus, the effects of the accumulated number of hours of sleep I was deprived of, started kicking in when I arrived at college in the morning. I stayed up all night to study for the subject, but heck, all of the materials that I studied did not come out in the exam! And the table I picked was imbalance, and was getting on my nerves. I almost went crazy in the middle of the exam, fighting the strong urge to not shout out loud and snatch Gilbert's paper and copy all of his answers. Poor dude was sitting on the right of me.

I was one of the last to exit the exam hall. And when I finally did, I almost fainted in front of the door after I exit the hall.

Met Cassandra and Mitchell while I was waiting for my mum to come pick me up from the hell hole and KO-ed the moment I reached home.

For the second day consecutively I did not bring my mobile phone to college. I guess part of my brain cells are already dead. Fried. Burned. Barbecued. Anyone care for some roasted neurons?

Yes and this week is hell for me. I'm surprised how I can survive the first two days of the week. I had my Abnormal paper in Monday evening at 5-7pm. Developmental in Tuesday morning at 8-10am. Western Civilization quiz tomorrow, Wednesday evening 4-6pm. Developmental assignment submission on due on Friday evening at 5pm. This is worse than high school. Really.

to do list:-

- Abnormal Psychology midterm

- Developmental Psychology midterm

- Western Civilization quiz

- Developmental individual assignment

- Western Civilization individual assignment

Almost there! Hang on babe.

Evelynlpn

Day of Atonement.

Fireflies - Owl City

Felt like I was preparing myself for war. All the supportive documents to be submitted, racing with time to make sure that my things will reach the states on time before the deadline. Really chaotic. And s t r e s s.

It sucked up 70 percent of my energy preparing all these stuffs and worrying about them. Not a fun process to go through. Much hustle as well.

After submitting my application forms and paying the application fees online, I will officially be free of any application procedures. Bad thing is that I will be all helpless by then and can do nothing but to wait for any uni's acceptance letter. Just one university will do and will keep me safe from being a college dropout. Oh gosh does that sound like those sound effects from a horror movie or what? *shivers*

Picking my packages up and handing them to registry. I hope my application make it on time for the March 1st uni deadlines. *fingers crossed*

So the next thing to be all stressed out about is Psychology midterm. Yes. Midterm again. Seems like its so fast. College started, then CNY break and now midterm. What's next? Assignments. Oh great! *grunts*

Whoever says college life very slack? Well, I do tell people that it is slack cause it does has its own slack time, just that it doesn't always lasts long. Note to self of not to procrastinate never seem to register, nor accomplished. Massive, epic failure.

Night out with Khai Sern, Jit Sun and Oei Keong was nice. Went back to Edu Smart to see Accounts teacher, Ms. Lim, Uncle Chan and Pn. Molly. They were so happy to see us, though Pn. Molly can barely remember me and Uncle Chan has completely no clue who the heck I am. Got a nice warm hug from Accounts teacher. Aww... Massive aww. Unexpected.

Planned to walk over to go say hi to Physics teacher, Mr. Yeoh but due to his massive class volume, we doubt he recognizes us so we chickened out. :D

No point disturbing the class anyways when we anticipated that the teacher will have no clue who we are.

As usual, Uncle Chan was preaching the students with his usual, cliche lines like "sow and you will reap (whatever crap)" and "train of thoughts". Really liked that moment when Pn. Molly was trying to recall my name and Khai Sern was interrupting beside, suggesting weird non-existent names like Kimberly for Pn. Molly. And I just shushed Khai Sern by saying, "Don't break the train of thoughts." Indirect sarcasm of Uncle Chan's favorite line and Pn. Molly burst into laughter right after that.

Yum Cha at Kayu. Two hours of non-stop conversations and laughters can totally wear a person out. But when I was back home at 11pm, watched half an hour of American Idol and I'm back to studying. Sigh. Took the whole 4 hours to finish 20 pages. That's how fast my studying speed is.

MASSIVE FAILURE ALERT!!

Its kinda late now already. I shall post this up and decide whether to continue since I'm still quite awake yet sleepy. What the hell am I talking about?

Okay fine, maybe I can't think straight no more. Sleep it is.

Goodnight peeps!

Falling down ain't falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor.

Evelyn Lee.

I thought... Not!

The day started fine. All the usual hang out sessions before classes plus me, getting all hyped up and excited for the fact that I can finally submit my documents to Ms. Naini the next day and get over with university application.

Alas, came home to sort out everything and found out that I have lots of incomplete stuffs and incomplete documents and lots of other stuffs to worry about.

My stress level peaked for the entire night and I'm practically mind-fried right now.

*its 1.11 now. Let me just make my wish first before continuing.

Okay. So I was literally overwhelmed with all the emotions and the workload to deal with.

I'm quite numb now already. All I am capable of doing is to curse at the wind to ease my throbbing worries and bursting emotions. I feel like I need to be heard, yet I don't know how to express myself.

Texting Amanda seemed to be one of the good remedies as I bombarded her with loads of questions about uni application. She seemed glad and nice enough to solve my problems and to ease my worries. One of the thousands of reasons why I love her so much and like hanging out with her.

So she said, "You're like bustling about calling my name in a teenie weenie voice." When I called her name and started asking my questions.

So she said, "You foul mouthed vulgarity spewing pirate style cursing lol toooooot." When I told her how badly I need to curse.

She's like a big sister to me, one way or the other, calming my nerves and constantly reminds me how much I need to stop procrastinate and start studying. Amanda, you're my motivation! I love you! :D

*puts up the serious face* I'm serious.

*puts up the joking face* But no worries.

*puts up the serious face* I'm straight.

How badly I need a hug right now? So bad I will go to sleep now and get one in my dreams.

Doodleloo,

your immature friend.

"Bride Knight"

Those are the moments I won't give up for anything else...

Just a little something that I have to get out of my head and I don't want to do it in Twitter cause I tweeted a lot today. :/

"You know what you can do? You can stuff your head into the toilet bowl, and flush the hell out of yourself. Then you can go around and try to convince people that you have a well functional mind cause you just proved that you don't."

I know its nonsensical and random but it has been bothering me so much since just now.

Do any of you actually talk to yourself? As in literally talking like you're talking to somebody but the conversation is all directed towards yourself. As in you ask the question and you answer yourself.

Oh no confession time! I do. Especially in the shower. I'm crazy! I'm schizophrenic! *gasp*

And it is in the shower, when all the most random and nonsensical stuffs will come attacking my mind. You know like how the psychologists will say that the unconscious will manifest your mind and your dreams when you sleep? It seems like the unconscious is manifesting my mind as well when I shower! Okay now I'm convinced that I'm losing my mind a little.

Anyway, today's Developmental Psychology lecture was a little better than the last. I did not fall asleep. But something else was more distracting than ever! It was a girls hair. It was curled. And it has some white unknown particles on it! Not a few but a lot! We were guessing that its her scalp. Ewww... Disgusting!

Oh... *rewind rewind*

Sleep wasn't good at all. Had very disturbed sleep patterns since the last few days. I'm officially zombified.

*rewind some more*

I went to Singapore last Wednesday evening and came back on Sunday night.

Main reason: my grandmother's birthday.

Main joy: bought two really adorable men T-shirts for myself from a shop called Vintage:FB. But who cares? Its so cute that even though its over-sized (obviously), i'll still wear it to public area. Bleh...

Main amusement: the MRT announcer. "Next station, Novena" :D Bliss.

Nothing else special besides liking some childish moments with the sister.

*forward forward forward*

Watched Easy A. Its kinda a nice movie. I pity the character.

Rant of the day: Study please. You have a quiz tomorrow. kthxbai.

Pei Ning

contradiction?

Now listening - Mum talking on the phone -.-

from title:

Very much thank you.

Recently, I've been fighting a strong urge to not procrastinate and work hard for this semester b'sides being a goddamn slacker like I used to. Heh, by saying that, I feel like Hercules or some awesome kick-ass warrior. But, no. I'm not one.

Plus, there's been a great contradiction for me to stop complaining and ranting at whoever I bump into about my university application and START APPLYING damn it.

I apologize for the vulgarity because I am so darn tired and frustrated in dealing with such contradictions.

Its not funny anymore. Seriously. I should've done it much earlier.

Too late for regrets. Too late to die young.

.

Oh so this morning's Developmental Psychology class was utterly boring that I fell asleep. There was a funny yet embarrassing moment which I will come to that later. So basically the lecturer was going on about bearing a child, child labor, child birth. Too much of emphasis that I was disgusted. Quite. Pretty sure Amanda was too.

At one point of time I was too tired to continue listening to her sleep-inducing speech that I let my head rest on my arm and slept. I am pretty sure I fell asleep. Then suddenly out of nowhere, I jerked myself awake. It was so funny as if I was scrambling to find a shore in the midst of drowning in a pool of water. Now when I think back, I can't stop laughing my ass off. It was that funny.

Incident spectator: Amanda & Gilberto :D

Amanda came to hold me still immediately after I jerked. Aww so nice of her. But ITS SO FUNNY!

,

Was rushing with time as I anxiously waited for my turn to come behind that never-ending cue at the bursary. The lady who grumbles a lot came back from her lunch break and commented on how people like to pay on the last day. Woman! Its not even the last day of payment la! Get your facts right. -.-

Mummy came to pick me up from main block at 1.30pm to the hospital for my last immunization injection for Hepatitis B. Pardon the weird me; oh how I LOVE injections. :D

,

Rushed back to college, just in time for my Calculus replacement class. At the beginning was quite a little of a struggle but after that, it was slightly okay because we were doing Differentiation, something we have already done back in high school. Then the questions became tougher and I was stuck again. Oh well. Whoever said Calculus was easy was a freak. Just proven my point, Cassandra is a freak. kthxbai.

.

CK dropped by college and brought Sarah, Lynn and I out to Mid Valley for food. Was my late lunch. Really late. It was already five something then. So I ate a packet of nasi lemak and a kuih at Nyonya Colors and shared a box of chilly fries with them at Carl's Jr. Dinner at seven as usual and I can still eat my food. Just proves how hungry I was.

From seven something in the morning till five something in the evening, just two packets of biscuit to keep the stomach full. How can?

Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. - Voltaire

EvelynLee.

discontentment.

Like A Star - TaeYeon & The One

Officially, i'm still 18. Two more years to finally step out of my teenage life.

But (oh damn i hate buts cause the rest of the sentences always suck. Always!), technically, I have to act like a 19 year old already when I just turned 18 less than a month ago! That sucked. December babies will totally understand what I'm talking about.

When people start asking, how old are you, my natural response will be 18 (for now) cause obviously I just turned 18 and its not wrong to say that. Just tell me how you're gonna tell people you're 19 year old when you're barely there?

Oh sorry I'm beating round the bush and going about in circles over the same thing. Ah... just what you'll get when a girl starts rambling on and on that you wanna give her a slap right there in her bitchy face. Okay I did not just said that. *cancels cancels*

But I digress. I was talking about how... Oh nevermind, i've finished what I needed to say.

So, university application hasn't been looking up for me. First cause I'm still procrastinating like A LOT. Second cause I got ffk-ed by my counselor who was supposed to meet me on Friday morning cause we made an appointment and she confirmed it. Oh well, just my luck. Friday wasn't quite a good day to me yet it wasn't quite bad. I started like hell, but turned out to be quite okay in the end. Watched some really funny and touching local production movie in the cinema. Thumbs up. Forgotten the movie title but it was something with the word sky in it.

Mehh, its Monday all over again. I shall come up with something more meaningful and less lifeless like this post soon so that I can kick this down and prevent scaring people off my site. Till then!

Peace out.