Paranoid or not?

Speak Now - Taylor Swift

I'm starting to develop this phobia of going to Wisma HELP's LC. You must be wondering why. There's no monster there. Its not creepy there. Yes its a little damp and quiet.

Thanks to the two security guard whom I got scared of. One of the older guards constantly greets me with this very flirtatious tone whenever I pass by there and sometimes even scrutinizes at what I wear, from top to bottom. I'm scared. I'm not happy with it.. But out of politeness, I am forced to reply his pervertness with a brief smile. Sometimes, I will pretend not to see him nor hear him call out at me and just sprint pass him yet he will still try his hardest to get my attention. Can't he see the fear in my eyes? Insensitive bastard. I labelled him the 'pervert'.

The other guard, whom I presume is a sort of newer guard was okay initially. Until one time, when I was sitting peacefully at one of the bench waiting for my dad to come pick me up, he called upon me and asked me loads of questions that are none of his business. He asked what course I'm doing in HELP, who comes to pick me up, where I live, all my personal details that should not be uncovered to strangers like himself. But out of politeness, I replied while trying to put up a facade and when he finally shut his mouth, I turned back and made myself a disgusted face.

So till this day, my heart starts palpitating whenever my dad stops his car at the entrance, knowing that I have to walk pass these two men with much distress and unwillingness. You might ask me to file a complaint on them guards but no, I won't. Maybe I am being paranoid. Maybe they just did what they do out of politeness, like how I will entertain them out of politeness as well. Maybe they are just bored with their mundane job and had to find something to do. Just maybe. And of course I pray hard that I'm just being paranoid. Oversensitive and hyper vigilant. I hope I am wrong about them.

For the record, my packages arrived in all universities on time on the 28th February. SAFELY. Now wait for these universities to evaluate my application and accept me. *fingers crossed*

And in the meantime, SUNY Plattsburgh sent me an email saying that they accept me. Some technical problems to solve first though, including my official TOEFL score.

I should stop sulking over my inability to tackle the psychology midterm papers, instead, wait for the results to be out to decide whether to sulk or not.

Even if you break me into half or shatter me into a million tiny pieces, every bit of me remains yours. I don't want anybody else to have me, except for you.

I love you xx

Trapped.

Picture credit : Nicholas Lim

Pei Ning.