忐忑。

Hello. I am still alive.

It happened all too quickly. Adrenaline was rushing. Despite the full blown activation of the Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous System, all that filled my ears were the urgency of the honking by the culprit and the roaring sound of the word "shit" in my mind. Milliseconds after, the car was rocking vigorously back and forth side ways. The car came this close, this close to flipping over.

My left arm came first into contact with the side of the car, leaving it swollen and bruised now. It hurts.

My mind, is constantly reminded of the scientific term "coupe" and "contra-coupe" that means brain damage on first contact and secondary contact following the impact.

My heart races when I have a flash back of the incident.

There were five of us in the car, yet, I was the only person who saw everything the clearest.

That blue car was coming at us at full speed. The driver himself knew that he wouldn't make it in time to brake and didn't bother to, expecting us to do it. We were already more than halfway through turning. In spite daddy's last second accelerating, we couldn't make it. The bumper was destroyed. Kaput.

It was an experience nevertheless, just not a very fun one. Car being hit twice in five days? Both within the short time frame that I am back home from US? What luck is this?

Signing out from Singapore, barely recovering from the fever yesterday,

Pei Ning

being you,

One Sweet Love by Sara Bareilles

that journey of self-discovery

that journey of discovering what I truly want

.

You know how I feel about people who don't even bother to try? It is like:

"Why would you look down on people who work hard to achieve their goals? The people you should be looking down upon are those who are like you, who don't bother to try, yet at the same time, criticise and patronise people who end up to be more successful than yourself because of their efforts."

Honestly, ultimately, you live your life for yourself. If you want to be as competent as others, do it! Work hard towards it! Better yourself! Don't just sit there and expect rewards to come. Don't just sit there waiting for each shooting star to cut across the sky so that you can make a wish upon it because before you know it, you would be too preoccupied with admiring the beauty of those and fail to make a wish yourself.

People wish for miracles for happen. It does happen once in a while, so don't be completely discouraged by the realistic world. Nevertheless, miracles don't always happen without catalyst. You are the catalyst. You hear people saying "I'm trying."

How about changing your approach and say "I'm working on it." instead?

Trying does not show effort. Working on something is showing effort and effort is an indispensable element towards success.

"Genius is 1 percent inspiration, 99 percent perspiration." - Thomas Edison

Feed on your motivation, not procrastination!

Once in a while is fine. At least you know that you won't burn yourself out.

Yours,

Pei Ning

paper. cut.

Superman by Five For Fighting

paper cut. that's right.

who would've foreseen that?

who would've taken precaution?

that's right. no one.

no one pays attention. no one cares.

no one but you.

paper. as common as it seems.

who would've thought that it would be the culprit?

who would've taken precaution?

that's right. no one.

no one pays attention. no one cares.

no one until you get cut.

a paper cut.

paper cut wound. as trivial as it seems.

who would've thought that it would hurt so much?

who would've thought that it would last for so long?

that's right. no one.

no one pays attention. no one cares.

no one but you.

you with the paper cut.

agony. as much as it stings.

who would've thought that its impact would be colossal?

who would've thought it would be so devastating?

that's right. no one.

no one pays attention. no one cares.

no one but you.

you with the wound.

paper cut wound. steadily lying on my right ring finger.

such deep wound that it lasted for three full days and far from being completely healed.

who would've thought it would be so serious?

who would have thought?

Pei Ning

did you?

Dreaming With A Broken Heart by John Mayer

Was listening to this song and I heard this phrase,

"waking up is the hardest part"

As a person who adores metaphor, I fell in love immediately with this phrase, being that I can relate to this phrase at a personal level as well

.

Whoever says that waking up is going to be easy? Every morning, that moment when you open your eyes, it is another brand new day and you know it. However, the temptation to just continue lying down and snuggle with your blanket is great!

Talk about the Physics principle of Inertia. Definitely true, especially after a whole night long of not moving

,

Whoever says that waking up from a dream is going to be easy? Of course, it involves you giving up of your previous believes and adopting a new set. It involves a new set of belief that completely contradict with your current ones.

How apprehensive that the future is no longer bright for you after waking up.

Look around you, the world is moving on, signifying the urgency for you to keep up. Of course it is moving forward, but whether in the right track with the right pace or not, only itself is clear about it.

That small fee I paid to see the world, is probably the best investments I have ever had in my life since young. Sure I splurge on unnecessary things occasionally, but this was an eye-opener.

It got me thinking. It got me pondering. It answered many questions I previously had.

I was rather traumatized. No doubt that I was. There were numerous events that I had to slowly digest, but deep in my heart, I know that I have decided and I have to stay strong with that decision.

After all, who would invest their trust on me if I couldn't trust my own instinct?

I'm glad that I still see some light in the dark endless tunnel. It was gradually fogging up, even the light seemed blurry and vague.

Should I pick up my pace and sprint towards it before it vanishes? Or should I stay put and admire the beautiful ray, regret when it vanishes?

"A true pilot must of necessity pay attention to the season, the heaven, the stars, the winds and everything proper to the craft if he is really the rule a ship." - Plato, The Republic

LeePeiNing

Betrayed.

It certainly took me forever to regain consciousness.

Forever to wake up from that deep slumber.

Feels like everything that I once had was unreal, fake and phony.

Everything was for a reason, a motif behind drawn curtains.

I cannot comprehend.

I certainly cannot fathom.

There is no way I can.

How could people transform from being such an innocent harmless child at birth, to be so maliciously harmful to other people's well being?

Such selfish bastards those people are.

I would be more than willing to pick up a weapon and end their petty little pest life right there.

Sadistically enjoy their slow and excruciatingly painful death.

Sadistically enjoy the sight of their body structures and limbs drop separately and lifelessly on the floor before my feet.

Sadistically savor the taste of those mudblood on my lips.

I would even be Hitler reborn of this 21st century, have a genocide for pests like you from the world.

The absence of people like you, oh yes I could already see it, taste it.

The freedom and peaceful ambient in the surrounding.

My last words for you -

"For all the sins that you have committed, you shall have karma to come against your will.

Burn in hell."

evil.

see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil

,

i wish life was that simple.

i wish.

innocence;

Haru Haru by Big Bang

the purity of a person's mind.

the learning about something that can't be undone,

subsequent destruction of the innocence.

what else renders memories and significance?

nothing but a stack of ashes,

dissolve and float in the occasional breeze

alongside the fluffy seeds of the dandelions

polluted, impurity are all that are left

,

the pieces of broken china

metaphorically resembles the mind, body and soul

rough soil the dirt

since when did you bid goodbye to your childhood?

that very moment when you let your heart win

that very moment when you let loose your curiosity about relationships

that very moment when you lost sight for a moment of

innocence.

the deepest desire to regress back into childhood.

Shooting star.

The Red Aspens by Jennifer Thomas

Deep breaths. Steady heartbeats. Soothing melody.

All I need for this perfect night to end is just a little more surprise

,

Talk about surprise, it really takes you in a night flight across heaven's park

.

Taiko Masala, the Japanese Drum Festival. It was really out of pure reluctance, deep contemplation before I finally made the decision, which turned out to be incredible.

My first time seeing the Seaweed Suckers perform and I was blown away by their professionalism.

What do you look for in a band performance? Who do you usually pay attention to?

Many people's reply would be the vocalist, the guitarist, the bassist. However, how many actually pays attention to the drum player?

I try to be a non-conformist whenever possible. In this case, I paid most attention to the drum player, who was partially or wholly blocked by the lead singer most of the time. I have seen many drum players and some of them really did not take their role seriously, thinking that they are sitting at the back of the stage behind the scenes, not noticeable.

This guy, he was different. You could tell that he loved his role in this band. You could tell that he knew that he was the backbone of the band. You could tell that he knew what he was doing.

He was marvelous in performance, entertaining and especially cool whenever he does finger tricks with the drum sticks.

The rest of the band members were extremely professional in what they do, delivering a very strong, powerful and energetic performance. They were very interactive throughout their performance and I was really impressed.

When it comes to the main performance from Taiko Masala, I loved the power and passion in their every move. Their interaction with the audiences was remarkable. Watching their performance had driven an invisible force in me that drives my urge to pick up taiko drums as well. 

.

Was setting up the tripod and the camera while waiting for the fireworks to come on, I experienced one of the happiest moments in my life.

A pleasant surprise that was.

Unexpected, overwhelming, breathtaking, magnificent.

It was sheer magic.

Out of the blue, that comet appeared as a dazzling streak of bright light cuts through the sky and fades away at the corner of the horizon.

I was baffled, speechless and was on the verge of tearing to the sight of such a glorious moment.

People say that if you make a wish under a shooting star, your wish would come true.

The truth for me is, when I caught sight of that shooting star, that was my wish coming true. I couldn't ask for more. I am grateful. Exhilarated.

.

Shooting the fireworks this time was a completely different feeling for several reasons:

1. I have companions this time.

2. I have a tripod this time.

3. I was trying out new camera setting this time.

4. I came prepared this time.

Sure it is a whole trial and error thing, but the learning experience was awesome.

I believe have self-esteem issue with the photographs that I have taken, yet I am satisfied with the general outcome of today's photography outing.

Here's my personal favorite: Fireworks and two comets.

I love you.

LeePeiNing

State of Autumn.

Don't Forget by Baek Ji Young

In a state of Autumn, I am.

'First week into the month of September

Memories turn to hay

Solemnly, sorrowfully the

Oracle spoke, yet the

Remains of the

Ruined medieval castle, still

Yield all the glory it once was.

,

Yelling, screaming, gone crazy, but

Everything seems inaudible to others

Everyone around me seems oblivious

Just up to myself and no others

If only I can bring myself to

Numb myself from the excruciating pain

.

Insides of me, slowly disintegrating, like

'Venom, eating up my body gradually.

Tired of drama, tired of waiting

Raging emotions with hints of disappointment and confusion

Infinite signs displayed - suddenly

Everlasting doesn't seem too convincing after all

Death has dawn on this beautiful disaster

.

Thank you for the sweet memories.

For the last time,

Pei Ning

behind drawn curtains;

Ego by Beyonce

Curtains drawn. Play begins. Standing ovation

.

EOP Summer Institute 2012 was incredible, to begin with. Never knew what I signed up for, never knew what to expect. People ask me why.

"Merely to fill in my Summer that is."

Used to tell everyone that this is a job. First day into training, completely changed my perception about this "job" that I signed up for. A "career" instead. A "passion".

Poised and adept, all of my team members. Conflict free, focused on supporting and educating the young sprouts of SUNY Plattsburgh.
The end was nearing. The end has come. The end is gone.
"I will now announce who made it and who didn't. When your name is called, please meet me in the EOP office right after supper." Michele proceeded back to her seat and sat down, uttered no words. Cheers filled the entire dining room. Emotions overflowed. Goosebumps surfaced. I scurried towards the back of the food area where there was no one and started crying. Tears streaked my face. Happy tears. Speechless, overwhelmed, proud.
Is this the feeling every teacher gets, whenever his/her students succeed? If it is, I absolutely adore this feeling of accomplishment, this feeling of pride. Hugs never get old in occasions like this. I wept like I was one of the students, who made it through the four weeks of hell in a program similar to that of a boot camp, who is able to come back to SUNY Plattsburgh in the Fall as a fully matriculated college student

.

The banquet was the event of recognition. Seeing each one of them go up front to receive their certificate of completion, I couldn't be more elated. Of course, tutor counselors were recognized as well; first timers girls each got a personalized bracelet engraved with EOP 2012 and name, boys each got a personalized dog tag, returners get personalized USB Drive, Cassie, most senior of all, got a personalized photo album.

Can't thank Matt more, our beloved Program Coordinator. Each team member chipped in a small amount of money to get him a bike rack he yearned for. A small and insignificant token compared to the amount of hard work that man put in throughout this program.

.

Farewell was never easy. Cried so bad. Felt like a piece of my heart was breaking apart from the whole as I waved each white van goodbye while seeing its red tail lights disappear into the silent, somber night.

Will be waiting for everyone's return. Will be seeing everyone on campus this coming Fall.

Soon. Very soon.

Toast to my new found family,

Hopeful,

Evelyn