thrill ride...

The More I See You by Hank Mobley Quintet (1960)

this smell, strangely gratifying to my nostrils. I have no idea where it is coming from, but I suppose I won't be able to find out anyway

.

Isn't it ironic? Thrill ride...

You start off, fresh, enthusiastic, and curious, ready to take on any challenges that come your way. You are pumped! Exhilarated! Eager!

Staring ahead towards the steep slope in front, you manage to convince yourself that you are as mighty as any of those Spartan warriors. You pulled out the vivid but imaginary satisfaction of being on top of that obstacle frontward. Motivated, you charge forward with such thrust that created the thought for a moment that you actually stood a chance. First few moments, you are still feeling the fire, still feeling the burning desire, igniting your sprit and soul with passion. Ahead with your inherent tendency to chase dreams, here and now, you fight your way up.

Out of the blue, you feel Fatigue, inching its way up from your ankle, to your calf, thigh, waist, chest, and finally reaching the head. You are now blatantly aware of the gradual exhaustion, body weighing you down, faster than you can keep up with. Your head, drooping lifelessly from a previously erect posture. There is absolutely no strength left to haul yourself forward and up. Forcefully, you lift your head up to gauge how far away you are from your goal. Nevertheless, everything begins fogging up that you can't figure out images clearly. You are clueless about your current location, uncertain about the future, oblivious about the past. The only option left is to advance forward despite your weariness.

One last hurl then you are there. You persisted, and eventually succeed. Carving a smirk across the corner of your lips, you are now on top of the world. Invincible.

You find yourself resting on a horizontal plane. Reluctantly, you glide along casually till you come to a complete halt upon reaching the edge. Overlooking the spectacular view ahead, you really wish that time could pause the moment right there, where you are at the pinnacle of your life. That best second that you wouldn't mind reliving for the rest of your breathing moments. Except, you have to move on, as driven by your animal instincts - greed, curiosity, and everything in between. You have the delusion that you share with every peer; something greater is bound to happen in the near future. Hence, you have to chase it, instead of rationalizing out of it. That delusion, just simply irresistible.

Taking in the last deep breath you will ever do at that same spot, you allow your brain to engulf as much as it can to create a lasting memory of this haven of exquisite tranquility. One last blink of the eyes, then off you go, set forth in search for a new hope, an unknown goal, a novel dream.

As you go downhill, you just sit back and enjoy the thrill. This could easily be one of the best experiences in your life. Just feeling the downward momentum pulling you down and forward, while adrenaline pumps towards the opposite direction, circulating via the bloodstream throughout your body. Cool breeze swings by for a gentle stroke on your cheek. Fresh air surges into your lungs as the diaphragm expands.

Feels great isn't it? Feels like your body just rejuvenated from an exhausted state after all the struggle uphill. Feels like you can never get enough of this thrill.
The contentment. Nothing in this world is strong enough to shatter any complacency residing in this pure moment of bliss
,

Unfortunately, after the thrill, comes another uphill, then it all goes back to square one. A vicious cycle that no one can escape from.

Life.

.

Today will be a delightful sunny day. The rain clouds will slide away and clear up the sky.
Today will be a delightful sunny day. Oh, have faith that it will be.

5.13am and signing off.

Love,

Evelyn Lee

spontaneity,

Orchestra Suite No. 3 in D Major by J.S. Bach

"In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away." - Shing Xiong

a walk to remember

.

Friday, May 31st, 2013.

I spent this last day of the month with ample of room for spontaneity.

I woke up, feeling fresh. Went to campus, had a wonderful date with Mr. Grand. Ran some errands, met some friends, did some homework.

They all felt like routines, until this flush of mood came: I wanted to eat ice-cream!

I have no idea where this spontaneity came from, but this sudden craving for ice-cream was driving me nuts! I was rather desperate for some nice, chill ice-cream in this hot day out.

So I gathered some people and together, we headed down to this little ice-cream place.

They had many flavors of ice-cream but they all came in a cup. I needed the experience of eating ice-cream out of a cone. That was part of the plan. That was part of the craving. I just had to forgo those fancy flavors and stuck to the standard regular twist that I already adore so much :)

,

We missed the SA shuttle to Walmart. No biggie.

Teased Sanchir with my sidekick, Baek by attempting to sing 忐忑. No biggie.

Random coin-tossing, which result was ignored and forgone the shuttle ride to Walmart eventually. No biggie.

Officially met Jeshi, and a new-found friend, Vanessa. Reconnected with old friends. No biggie.

Short walk back to retrieve the poor little brown Aero messenger bag from in front of the ACC, just because the owner absent-mindedly abandoned it there with all the most important things and documents in there. No biggie.

Had an awesome dinner, which I did nothing to help out at all. Pleasurably guilty. No biggie.

Long conversation that eventually led to learning 日本語 from Iori-chan. No biggie.

Sober moments amongst 酔うてる people. No biggie.

Sanchir, smiling with his bloodshot eyes, drunk-talking, was certainly very entertaining.

We ended up playing this drawing game that he came up with.

Think outside of the box, so he said

.

The half moon was blood red. The majestic sight of it put me into an instant trance. Out we went, chasing the moon. Spontaneity.

I especially adore those long talks, cool breeze against our cheeks, gentle fluorescent street light, leaves rustling in the background. Subconsciously, the 1.3 miles trail walk turned into an adventure further down to the port. Spontaneity.

"Do you guys have a boat down there? This is a private property."

Woah, that was not friendly at all. Seemed to me like he almost wanted to kick butt or something.

Our initial plan: climb onto one of the boats and chill there. Apprehended by a guy who pulled up his car beside us. Spontaneity

.

Tranquil. The atmosphere was.

Quiet. The moon was.

Serene. The stars in the sky were.

Placid. The water was.

Composed. Our thoughts were.
Deep. Our breaths were.

The moments felt surreal. Unemcumbered by worries. Just two heartbeats, expressing profound truths about each other in simple language.

As we spoke at great length about various things, our eyes were inevitably drawn in by the picture perfect scenery.
Engulfing in all that we can, how I wish time would spare us our youth, spare us moments like this.
The moon, playing peekaboo with us by sliding in and out of the clouds occasionally.
Its moonlight, reflected upon by the calm water, leaving a faint streak of glimmering lights on the surface.
The smithereens of stars, suspending millions of light years away from us. The source of those twinkling lights that we now perceive may have been long gone, exploded. Nevertheless, they left us with such glow and hope that keeps us going.

Still remember how I was quivering whenever the cool breeze sweeps by to greet us abruptly. Cold hands, cold feet, but was fortunate enough to have another pair of hands and feet warming those up
.

An hour and 15 minutes to sunrise. We just had to keep on going since we were already half way there. Spontaneity.
3.45am. We headed back to my apartment to gather some equipments that include water, jackets and camera
,

Sunrise at Champlain Park wasn't quite complete without the actual sunrise. Thick cotton clouds were obstructing the morning rays from blessing our tender skin with Vitamin D.

Nonetheless, the scenery was magnificent.

 Ducks were paddling around in the water in pairs, waddling on the grass in pairs, while we sat there on the edge of the stone barrier, in a pair.

At the end of it, we bid goodbyes with nice long hugs
Finally, what feels like Friday, ended with a nice warm shower and snuggling in bed with my favorite childhood plushie :)

...

a tacit confession of affection, perhaps?

Love, Eve

wind;

So Close by John Mclaughlin

Only if it was Enchanted, love was

.

SOME say that water has a calming effect

At the very least, it does.

NEVER ending sounds of the rain, splattering on the roof top of our safe house

Chill breeze didn't quite matter, as

HERE, all is good. all is flowing to a gentle rhythm.

Immersing ourselves with nice, quiet conversation while our fingers entwined

Reminiscing about old good memories, all while creating new ones

,

Drenched with rain water, our feet were.

as we took Our time, strolling dowN the sidewalk under the same umbrella.

the raindrops, magically drumming against the roof Top, creating Wonderful melodies that are astoundingly delightful to our ears

 this relaxed Ambiance was absolute, filled with Nothingness, yeT rich with sentimentality.

2 hours, passed swiftly and gone with the wind. Hush, without a sound.

Under that awkward looking tree, stood the old witch from snow white. but that didn't matter.

Raging series of lightning, trailing across the sky. but that didn't matter.

deafening roars of Thunders. but that didn't matter.

all that matters was that it was Yesterday, that i have rediscovered something that i have Once lost, or repressed
,

under the same Umbrella that we left with, we walked back.
thank you for the pleasant journey.

goodnight,

my dearest

overflow;

Gravity by John Mayer

Funny how I seem to like all the songs titled "Gravity"

,

Funny how I still find all the weird pictures we took together Hilarious, just like how I would laugh so hard the first time I see them

...

Fall 2012.

Maybe it's me, but I find that we talk more often after Summer.

It has been a year...

I grew more comfortable being around her. She grew more comfortable being around me. We grew more comfortable being around each other.

I will miss the moments where we would debate who would get down from the bed to turn off the lights because the last person forgets to turn it off before getting into snuggling under covers.

I will miss the moments where we would continue our pillow talk in the dark, sharing our thoughts, experiences, childhood memories, high school middle school memories, etc. We would share a piece of our philosophy of life, sigh at unfortunate events, grateful for fortunate ones. From each other, we learnt to appreciate, love, and be thankful.

By the way, did I mention how we find solace in talking to each other, just because our outlook of life is at least, more similar to one another than to others?

We would talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk... 

until silence prevails... 

until sweet dreams twinkle

.

Softly As I Leave You by Michael Buble 

She came back from China with something that made me smile, every single time I look at it. And nope, I am not exaggerating. I mean every time :)

Cute little socks. Oh... *melts*

,

September 2012. Chasing tornadoes. Continuing our love for photography, we set out with our cameras, despite the many tornado alerts and high wind speed.

,

September 2012. Sunrise date. We planned this. Yet, we went to bed late at night, praying that we can pull ourselves out of bed in a few hours time.
"Tian! Woah! Azuzu went to see the sunrise." (referring to pictures on Facebook)
"Yeah..."
{pause}
"Pei Ning..."
"Mmmm?"
"Do you want to go see the sunrise tomorrow?"
"How?"
"Go to CCC."
"You drive?"
"Yeah."
"Is it okay for you to drive when it is still dark?"
"Should be..."

We did anyway :)

Tried to take some jump shots, we were never synchronized! After more than 50 shots (nope, again, I am not exaggerating), this was I guess the best shot that we have together.
Of course, we were exhausted after. Gave up, went back.
Satisfied.
满载而归 :)

.

Someone to Watch Over Me by Ella Fitzgerald

Fall. Autumn.

Leaves were beautiful. She, as usual, captured the moments ;)

,

In our new room, 120A Adirondack Hall, we shared many crazy room moments :D

We let our dogs have conversation with each other while we have ours,

We play footsies too... only a little differently :)

Chicken from Walmart as dinner, just because we can. Indulgence, in a form it was.

.

Thinking About You by Norah Jones

We made a lot more crazy faces together this semester. Pictures that I still laugh at when I look at.

These are the ones that I'll never forget.

,

We dressed up for Presidents' Gala :)

.

At Last by Beyonce

December 2012. Finals week. Of course, it had to be the three of us, omma, her and me, spending late nights in the library. We were productive! We had to. Nevertheless, in the midst of information cramming, late night snacking, we made good use of our procrastination times by doing some stress relieving activities:

1. Taking pictures.

2. Silly faces.

3. Playing childhood games.

Fun times!

... until Fall semester ended

.

Goodbye Fall 2012.

Till then,

...

moon;

Don't Know Why by Norah Jones

Did you see the moon tonight?

Suspending midway across the sky,

Mysteriously shading itself from the eyes of the world

Behind those gray smithereens of clouds.

Did you see the moon tonight?

Oh how mesmerising the facade of it;

It draws your attention, your soul,

You are caught in limbo.

Did you see the moon tonight?

It was certainly bewitching.

And you wonder if it would be 'safe' for you

To take the path that crosses the Lakeside cemetery.

Did you see the moon tonight?

After many days and nights of heaven's tears,

The sky has finally cleared up,

Exposing the Milky Way for us to gaze at.

Did you see the moon tonight?

Because I certainly do,

And am glad that I am able to,

And am glad that I can.

Love,

Lee

Regressing,

Spring 2012.

It came soon after I was back from Minnesota and Iowa, she, back from China.

Our adventure continues...

Dream A Little Dream of Me by Louis Armstrong

Rainy days like this makes people more sentimental.

At least for me, it has that magical effect
.

We have different humor points, but we always seem to converge on each other when it comes to interest, thoughts, or even actions :)

Like the Chinese proverbs: 心有灵犀一点通

That's what we are...

She's the Yin to my Yang :)
,

I will miss her magic hands of cleaning up the room swiftly.
From this,

To this.

Just within a matter of a few moments...
,

She makes silly faces using her phone app,

,

She comforts me when my jeans gave up on me.

,

I'll never forget our Starbucks moments :)

She treated me a nice cup of Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuchino on this beautiful day of May.

.

Of course, time flies...

Spring semester came to an end. We took a trip down to NYC together on Amtrak, bid each other goodbyes in Penn Station for the Summer. We almost teared, like many other times saying goodbye to each other :')

Room 120D Adirondack Hall.

Goodbye. Our times together were wonderful

,

Spring 2012.

Till then, my dearest.

...

le rendezvous;

Don't Want An Ending by Sam Tsui

Life. Ironic, isn't it?

Was thinking about my beloved roommate when this came shuffled onto my playlist on Pandora

.

Fall 2011.
August 2011. I first made her acquaintance. I found out after that after going a month plus without any Chinese around her, provided with her English deficiency, she was enthusiastic to finally be able to join the Fall International Student Orientation, finally be able to meet some Chinese, only to be disappointed by my lack of Chinese conversation with her :(

The very next morning...

I was entering Adirondack Hall when I caught sight of Chihiro Kobayashi, her orientation leader, speaking to her down the hallway. I remember vividly how I hesitated, whether to walk over to strike up a conversation, or to proceed back to my room as I initially intended to. I shuffled down the hallway to my right in the end to meet them. The restlessness in both their pretty faces made me realized that I have made a pretty bad decision of joining them.

After several moments of casual conversation, they finally broke to me that she was having trouble with her roommate, Visa (签证), and was looking to switch roommates. Seeing that just the morning before I left for activities, my roommate moved in and made a pretty bad impression (waking me up with noises of her moving in, then quarreling with her parents over the phone with rude attitude), I promptly agreed to be roommate with her.

Ha! I still remember the look on her face. Wide eyes of disbelief with hints of relief.

"Really? Really?"

"Yeah! I can be your roommate."

"Really?"

"Mmhmm..."

Boy, she plunged into me like she won the powerball lottery :)

There, our journey began.

...

New York, New York by Frank Sinatra

I had help moving into our new room, 120D Adirondack Hall. I helped her after. Witnessed 签证 in action. I see why she wants to move out! 签证 had her cupboard drawer open, blocking 2/3 of the doorway entrance, didn't offer any help, expecting us to move things out of the room through that 1/3 space she left us. That's evil in action.

Next day, she moved her fridge when I was not around, hurt her feet, got stitches. It was ugly when I saw her again later in the afternoon. Funny how she put 签证 in the blame for her injury.

"签证 used black magic on me. See what became of me!"

Hahahahaha. She always makes me laugh
,

We stuck together like glue soon after we became roommates. Since her vocabulary was not strong enough, guess how we communicate? The guessing game :P
All the adorable sound effects that she would make, I'm the person who guesses. Sometimes, if she recognizes the word, she would point at me excitedly with that grin on her face. Sometimes, if she doesn't know what the word I said, I would have to explain, more explaining, then I would finally give in and say it in Chinese. If I don't know the Chinese word to it, Google comes in to save the day.
Our relationship then? People would say, amazing.
Of course, we developed our unique way of communicating with each other :)
.

Beyond The Sea by Kevin Spacey

Our first adventure together: Bubble wand :)

Yes! She was unpacking and I saw this bubble wand of hers. I wanted to play so she grabbed my camera and we went out to have a little fun. It was then, I discovered her love for photography. She's a pretty passionate photographer herself. She loves to take pictures of other people. Candid.

,

Our first pictures together... ♥

,

September 2011. I bought a huge pack of gummy bear. We camwhored with the gummy fountain :)

October 2011. Halloween. We went costume shopping, albeit not buying anything.

Halloween night. Look at all the candies we collected around the neighborhood!

November 2011. Our first outing together. We went to Burlington, following the trip organized by International Student Services (ISS). We shared bubble tea. We played with colorful shades. We had fun.

.

November 2011. It was ice-skating day with the original Mow group. She didn't join us in the rink, just sat around in the bench and took many great pictures of others having fun. I couldn't bear leaving her alone, away from everyone else, since I convinced her to join us in the Field House. I went to sit with her. We took pictures of course :)

.

I Think It Is Going To Rain Today by Norah Jones

November 2011. First Plattsburgh snowfall together. We are random. No. She is random. So it was our first time experiencing snowfall together, as roommates. The first time for me was during Thanksgiving break, when she was away.
"Pei Ning, it is snowing outside."
"Yeah I know."
{pause}
"Want to go out to take pictures?"
"Now?"
"Yeah."
"Its two something in the morning now!"
"Yeap."
"Okay..."
So we geared up and we out with her cameras. While she experimented with her new Leica toy, I fooled around with her Casio magic camera :)

,

December 2011. She and Omma gave me my first birthday party, Elmo themed. I cried. I cried so bad like a sad, sad child. Of course, it not only caught me off guard, my 'grief' caught everyone off guard as well. I was too happy. Tears of joy. I was touched.

Semester ended shortly after.
Goodbye Fall 2011

...

Change. GE 13.

When all hell breaks loose, keep calm and carry on

.

This could definitely be applied to my current academic situation, as well as (more importantly) the situation in my home country, Malaysia. Today, may or may not be the day that Malaysia creates history. My country's general election is today. As much as we all want a fair election, there's always those kind of people, who mess things up, who cheat, who don't play fair. There's always those kind of people. Am I not right?

For many years, my country's people has been battling with the government, who on the surface made everything seemed like our country is such a democratic one, but in reality resembles more authoritarian.

NO! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Along the way, comes people who realized how much Malaysia has been handicapped by the ruling power. Along the way, formed different organizations, aiming to create awareness for a better country, a better government.

Bersih! This means "clean" in malay.

What more do I need to say? The people has spoken! We want a country free from corruption, free from oppression, free from racial discrimination, free from racial segregation! We want a truly united nation, a place where everyone feels belonged, feels safe. We want a place all Malaysian could call "home".

General Election. Today.

Please. I urge all Malaysians. Deliberate before casting your votes today. Our country has been governed by the same ruling party ever since Independence Day in 1957. It could definitely afford some change. Let us usher in real peace and harmony within the country by voting for the better. We don't want to be ruled by fear, threats and scams anymore! We want a safe country to live in! We want a truly united nation by heart and soul, not through propagandas and phony slogans because we all know that behind the politicians' elegant facades lie a lifestyle of grotesque luxury and hypocrisy.

Most importantly, stay safe.

GE 13. Ubah! Ini kalilah!

Much love from the States,

a fellow Malaysian

忐忑。

Hello. I am still alive.

It happened all too quickly. Adrenaline was rushing. Despite the full blown activation of the Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous System, all that filled my ears were the urgency of the honking by the culprit and the roaring sound of the word "shit" in my mind. Milliseconds after, the car was rocking vigorously back and forth side ways. The car came this close, this close to flipping over.

My left arm came first into contact with the side of the car, leaving it swollen and bruised now. It hurts.

My mind, is constantly reminded of the scientific term "coupe" and "contra-coupe" that means brain damage on first contact and secondary contact following the impact.

My heart races when I have a flash back of the incident.

There were five of us in the car, yet, I was the only person who saw everything the clearest.

That blue car was coming at us at full speed. The driver himself knew that he wouldn't make it in time to brake and didn't bother to, expecting us to do it. We were already more than halfway through turning. In spite daddy's last second accelerating, we couldn't make it. The bumper was destroyed. Kaput.

It was an experience nevertheless, just not a very fun one. Car being hit twice in five days? Both within the short time frame that I am back home from US? What luck is this?

Signing out from Singapore, barely recovering from the fever yesterday,

Pei Ning

being you,

One Sweet Love by Sara Bareilles

that journey of self-discovery

that journey of discovering what I truly want

.

You know how I feel about people who don't even bother to try? It is like:

"Why would you look down on people who work hard to achieve their goals? The people you should be looking down upon are those who are like you, who don't bother to try, yet at the same time, criticise and patronise people who end up to be more successful than yourself because of their efforts."

Honestly, ultimately, you live your life for yourself. If you want to be as competent as others, do it! Work hard towards it! Better yourself! Don't just sit there and expect rewards to come. Don't just sit there waiting for each shooting star to cut across the sky so that you can make a wish upon it because before you know it, you would be too preoccupied with admiring the beauty of those and fail to make a wish yourself.

People wish for miracles for happen. It does happen once in a while, so don't be completely discouraged by the realistic world. Nevertheless, miracles don't always happen without catalyst. You are the catalyst. You hear people saying "I'm trying."

How about changing your approach and say "I'm working on it." instead?

Trying does not show effort. Working on something is showing effort and effort is an indispensable element towards success.

"Genius is 1 percent inspiration, 99 percent perspiration." - Thomas Edison

Feed on your motivation, not procrastination!

Once in a while is fine. At least you know that you won't burn yourself out.

Yours,

Pei Ning